BROOKLYN, NY- The Magic community is outraged once again, this time in response to revelations that Flock Cameras are tracking and cataloguing players leaving events early because of their piss-poor performance. Originally designed to track the ex-wives of police officers, Flock Cameras have come under increased scrutiny in recent weeks…
SAGINAW, MI – A local Commander Pod has had to slam on the brakes after one of their regular players was forced to install a breathalyzer on their Shorikai, Genesis Engine. Step out of the giant mecha and walk in a straight line…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump today announced that he refuses to give up the status of monarch, even though many agree he took political damage from the war in Iran. In Magic: The Gathering rules designated during the release of Conspiracy in 2014, a player can become the monarch…
THE RUBBLEBELT, RAVNICA — In a move locals describe as “surprising” and “welcomingly needed”, the oft-maligned fiery pits of rubble surrounding the Gruul guild halls at Skarrg were repaired by Ravnica city crews earlier this morning. “This is just one small victory in the plan I outlined during my campaign,”…
Washington, D.C. — Back in 2023, in a stunning and highly controversial decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled that while he remains President of the United States, Donald Trump cannot commit “crimes” mechanically in Magic: The Gathering, and (because the Supreme Court barely does their job for most of…
BOTHELL, WA – A local Commander pod is turning up the heat after local player Sean Patterson noticed a particular pattern in his friend and podmate Marc Garvey. After several games, it was noticed that Marc was routinely targeting Sean’s permanents, leading him to wonder if maybe he was feeling…
The Internet – Players were pleasantly surprised this Sunday, August 9th, when Brawl player RatColony772 had a positive experience with the MtG: Arena auto-tapper – it left up UU for Counterspell instead of UR for Expressive Iteration. “I cast Vivi Ornitier, but I completely forgot to tap my lands first,”…
Walnut Creek, CA — A Bay Area rental dispute is turning heads nationwide, as one landlord plans to charge an additional $200 a month table fee for SpellTable and other webcam-based gameplay. How does he justify such a fee? The landlord, who asked to remain anonymous, argued, “Someone playing…
Three Tree City, Bloomburrow — Residents of The Crown have welcomed a peculiar new face to the neighborhood: a kestrel known only as Nicky. “He’s an odd fellow, for sure, but who isn’t in some kinda way?” asked local owl Gennu. “I’ve been around the trees long enough to recognize…
Planet Earth, Milky Way — On Friday, July 31st, Google ‘rolled back’ its new and highly controversial feature that was allowing players who play Magic on digital clients to make and play with their own custom, AI-generated lands. “It was probably the dumbest fucking idea they’ve had in a hot…
Dominaria — “He’s just been sulking in his iceberg ever since the news broke,” Baru, Wurmspeaker told us. “He’s eaten barely any goblins, ransacked any villages, or fucked up any rules lawyers. So yeah, it should go without saying that I’m worried.” With…
Washington, D.C – Over the weekend, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. became angered with Dana Bash on the CNN program State of the Union during a discussion about measles and other diseases. While video of the interview has circulated on social media, Commander’s Herald has obtained a copy of…
Wizards of the Coast recently announced Dungeons and Dragons Universes Beyond, a product guaranteed to have fans Googling “what the hell are those Spider-Man D&D books called again?” We’ve got you covered with this clear and concise guide. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons Universes Beyond is Like…
At MagicCon Amsterdam, Wizards of the Coast announced the return of its Hall of Fame. Once a mainstay of the competitive scene, the Hall was suspended during the pandemic, and finally making a return for 2026. To help our readers understand the new Hall of Fame and the new…
Amsterdam, Netherlands–We here at The Herald have a powerful drive to cover breaking Magic: the Gathering news as soon as it is released to the public. We also have a corporate expense card we regularly charge to attend events under the guise…
Hi there. My name is Red Pixlh3art, and I write for the Commander’s Herald. I’ve been playing Magic since around 2017, I fell in love with Commander first and have since gotten into limited and cube, and I’ve primarily been a Mardu player. My first “real” commander was…
Boston, Massachusetts — At 6:45 PM on Friday, July 17th, local racist Buck Carson was taken to Beth Israel following what doctors suspect may have been a heart attack. Sources close to Carson say that his potential heart attack was quite possibly caused by viewing Friday’s Magic: The Gathering announcement…
Ship Bottom, NJ — Once dismissed as an irrational and baffling business policy, Ogre’s Hole’s strict “No Vegetables” rule has become an unlikely model of public health preparedness and diarrhea defense, as the local game store emerges as one of the few venues untouched by the ongoing Cyclospora outbreak.
San Francisco, CA — In 2373 on the formerly Cardassian space station Deep Space Nine in orbit around the planet of Bajor, Jake Sisko said the sentence that perfectly sums up humanity’s economic situation in the 24th century: “I’m human, I don’t have any money.” Of course, in 2026, we’ve…
THE INTERNET – Buzz has been expectedly loud around new cards that premiered at MagicCon: Amsterdam over the weekend, including cards from the highly-anticipated in-universe set Reality Fracture. Based around alternate versions of Magic: The Gathering characters and spells we know and love, Reality Fracture had some surprising reveals including…
On Friday, at MagiCon: Amsterdam, Wizards of the Coast announced the three upcoming in-universe Magic: The Gathering sets for 2027–and one of them is a combination of two planes we’ve seen before. Kamigawa, the plane heavily inspired by Japanese folklore and culture, and Ikoria, a plane largely dominated by powerful…
Chicago, IL — The groundbreaking of former president Barack Obama’s presidential library in Chicago’s South Side has been met with varying responses from both locals and liberals nationwide, ranging from cautious optimism, to anger, to abject terror. “Now, as much as I love our former president,” explain Bud Wickley, local…
WASHINGTON D.C. — A representative of the Democratic Party issued an official statement on Jace Beleren, the controversial mage currently tearing the multiverse apart. Despite his recent actions and controversies, the party plans to continue supporting the blue mage. They also implored Democratic voters to…
The new school year is right around the corner. If this sends a shiver down your spine as a parent, it may be because your child was one of the many who didn’t make it into this year’s class at Strixhaven, the premier academy of education on the plane of…
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — The Herald staff is proud to announce our brand new format, Herald Commander, where all unbans will be carefully selected to be fair, balanced, and also on our list of cards to sell. As a revolutionary new way to play Magic: The Gathering, Herald Commander will…
March 8, 2002, MtG Head Designer Mark Rosewater authored an article in his column Making Magic entitled “Timmy, Johnny, and Spike“, and the most annoying person at your LGS finally found something to base their entire personality…
THE ICU – After multiple rounds of meticulous setup, commander player MiChelle Yue executed a devastating Thanos turn yesterday followed by 45 minutes of unremarkable topdecks. Yue dropped Thanos, the Mad Titan and activated his ability on turn 4, destroying almost all of her opponents’ mana dorks and putting her…
Renton, WA – Outside the Wizards of the Coast headquarters today nearly a dozen protesters gathered to announce their objection to the new Marvel Super Heroes set and its inclusion of characters that represent openly fascist organizations like the fictional neo-Nazi terrorist group Hydra and the real life neo-Nazi terrorist…
