“Vote Blue No Matter Who” Says DNC Rep as Jace Unravels Entire Multiverse
WASHINGTON D.C. — A representative of the Democratic Party issued an official statement on Jace Beleren, the controversial mage currently tearing the multiverse apart. Despite his recent actions and controversies, the party plans to continue supporting the blue mage. They also implored Democratic voters to stand with them in that support.
“We acknowledge that Jace Beleren isn’t a perfect candidate,” Party Representative Harry Dillinger said of the man rewriting all of existence, “but we can’t let a few mistakes in his past distract us from what really matters: the midterms. It’s never been more important to vote blue no matter who, and we don’t see Mr. Beleren as an exception to that rule. If we don’t give his campaign our full support, it sends the message that we aren’t a unified front and that could cost us Michigan.”
The planeswalker has received heavy criticism for his actions of late. A recent crime spree through the Omenpaths saw the divisive planeswalker consorting with a high-profile assassin, stealing an exotic pet, and releasing the war criminal Nicol Bolas from prison. Commentators have speculated that these actions indicated a mental health crisis, while others claim he’s become a regular user of the illicit drug Halo. These concerns have only grown more urgent since he began reshaping the pillars of reality.
Others claim that Jace’s political record should disqualify him from the nigh omnipotent position he now seeks. Beleren’s term as Living Guildpact of Ravnica was highly contentious. “The guy was never here,” a Ravnican citizen shared. “We called him Vacation Jace, cause he was always off playing pirates or partying with other planeswalkers. And who do you think paid for all those exotic trips? The hard-working Ravnican taxpayer. That’s who.”
But perhaps Beleren’s strongest critics come from the progressive left. “Jace may technically be blue, but his real allegiance is to the status quo,” X (formerly Twitter) user MamdaniIsDaddy69 shared on the (formerly usable) social media app. “Did he reform the guild system? Did he keep his plane out of the war with Nicol Bolas? Did he redistribute mana bases? No to all of the above. You can bet his new reality is still going to be a capitalist oligarchy, just with more big flowing cloaks.”
However, the well-known blue mage does have supporters, particularly among the more pragmatic wing of the Democratic Party. Former political aide and current podcaster, Jodi Lundgren, defended the planeswalker on her show Gatewatching, “Everyone is being hard on Jace because he’s violating the autonomy of every living being. So what? That’s what Republicans and Phyrexians do, and look how successful they are. The left needs its own Elesh Norn to win. Just look at Chandra, an entrenched Red State Planeswalker flipped to blue with just a little reality warping. If you’re not ok with Jace doing that, you’re basically voting for the Eldrazi.”
Editor’s Note: Contrary to Lundgren’s claims, Chandra Nalaar is not a “Red State” planeswalker, and has in fact been a staunch antifascist since her early years–Ms. Nalaar just happens to be a pyromancer with red hair and an almost exclusively red wardrobe.
The rising popularity of Democratic Socialists within the party has been viewed with caution, but the DNC has more readily thrown support behind Beleren’s more authoritarian movement. It’s unclear if this is the result of Beleren’s own rewriting of their beliefs or simply an act of political cowardice. Jace Beleren himself could not be reached for comment as he is on vacation in The Meditation Realm.
