Meandering Commander Opponent Not Sure What To Do After Playing Thanos 

THE ICU – After multiple rounds of meticulous setup, commander player MiChelle Yue executed a devastating Thanos turn yesterday followed by 45 minutes of unremarkable topdecks.

Yue dropped Thanos, the Mad Titan and activated his ability on turn 4, destroying almost all of her opponents’ mana dorks and putting her firmly ahead of the competition. 

“It’s hard to explain how much of a stranglehold Michelle’s early turns had on the game.” said opponent Fevin Keige talking to a Magic player born after 2017 what the fuck. “Whenever she dropped a card, everyone waited with baited breath to see what she was setting up. Now she can play ten ramp spells per turn and it’s like dude, you’ve had enough. This is sad.” 

The activated ability was eventually undone through some convoluted Temporal Mastery Living End shenanigans that didn’t make a lot of sense, but everyone skips remembering that part to get to the awesome combat step afterwards. Yue tried following up by casting Kang the Conqueror, but he was countered which she clearly hadn’t planned for. Things pretty much fell apart after that.

“It’s like graduating high school,” continued Keige. “Except instead of exploring the world of opportunities in front of you, you just hang out in the parking lot every day selling cigarettes & bootleg tapes of your old football games. Her previous turns weren’t masterpieces or anything, but seriously please stop trying to get us excited by Life from the Loaming Multiversal Passage every turn. I promise that nobody on earth gives a shit.”

Yue’s brother Deacon tried following in her footsteps before dropping his cards all over a weirdly religious emo toddler and letting him figure it out.