Toledo, OH – Local game store Brain Games hosts a weekly Commander night to encourage Magic: The Gathering players to congregate and test their Commanders against each other. However controversy has shadowed a recent Commander night after a player was accused of letting a deck “play itself” with…
HENDERSON, NV — A local 2/2 warrior token reached out to us to announce he’d be making his Friday Night Magic debut this season. After half a decade sitting unused in a box of lands, tokens, and commons, the warrior was finally added to Luca Davin’s token pile…
CIRCLE IX: TREACHERY – Known cool guys Citadel Acquisitions purchased a majority share in Card Kingdom earlier this year, but state they have still not received their purchase. Citadel, a subsidiary of ZelnickMedia Corporation whose website describes them as “Creating value through thought leadership” whatever the fuck that means, are…
Washington, D.C. – Well-regarded polling organization Quinnipiac University released a startling report this week that the current number of Americans registered to vote in the upcoming midterm election is less than the number of Magic: The Gathering cards that were printed with the Legendary supertype this year. Such a report…
Hexhaven Academy Tower — Recently, “The Theorist,” Jace Beleren, made the somewhat dubious claim that he has created, or is intending to create, a Multiverse without suffering. Given the extremely impressive nature of that claim–so much so that it is one that many are struggling to believe–we at the Commander’s…
Duluth, MN – Due to shipping delays local game shop Rob’s Collectables and Geekery is worried they will not receive cards from Magic: the Gathering‘s upcoming set Reality Fracture even though the prerelease events are supposed to begin this weekend. However, owner and proprietor Rob Grandview is still running a prerelease…
(Spoiler warnings for Reality Fracture’s story, but honestly at this point you should have read it anyway because it’s really damn good. Also some cartoon about a clown and a rabbit or something.) Seattle, WA — Following the emotionally powerful finale of Reality Fracture’s story, the dozens have…
THE ORPHAN KILLING MACHINE – Corporate champions of the working class Wizards of the Coast & TCGplayer are being praised for organizing a small Magic tournament this week with the goal of raising funds for those who need it most, their workers. The event, advertised with depressing commercials of trading…
Mahwah, NJ – A new AI-powered deck-builder is facing criticism this week, after Magic players say it became obsessed with preparing their decks for one specific threat: carpenter bees. As AI assistants have become widely adopted, many Americans are turning to them to help with…
WASHINGTON, DC — Senator Mitch McConnell’s long-awaited return from his controversial absence has sparked new debates among Magic scholars this week over what the appropriate creature-type classification should be for the undead Senator. The debate centers on a seemingly simple question: Is McConnell a zombie, animated by forces beyond his…
WASHINGTON, DC — In a press conference earlier today, the United States Department of Education announced they would be hiring The Theorist, the fragment of Jace Beleren’s persona responsible for the failed creation of the Echoverse, to help remove some of the more “un-American” parts of the nation’s history books.
Tenth District, RAVNICA – New York City plane politician Zohran Mamdani, in a show of respect for his new friend the living guildpact Niv-Mizzet, took an omenpath to honor a newly-created memorial documenting the Phyrexian Invasion. The visit comes on the day of 9/11, a tragic event in the now-ubiquitous…
“The multiverse within my brain is more divided than ever,” Jace mumbles at me before wiping away a tear and continuing, “and the only person who understood that was gone.” The “man” known as The Theorist sat before me. A grimace spread across his features as he…
INNISTRAD – Emrakul, the Eldrazi titan responsible for invading Innistrad, Zendikar, and some amount of planes we can’t list because they now never existed, released a statement this week confirming her legal team’s efforts to secure a parole hearing. “As an extraplanar being unbounded by time, I have spent the…
*There are better commanders. I want to establish that immediately. Welcome back, lovely readers. I’ve missed you. But I’ve been busy trying to make a deck around Henrika Domnathi. Turns out that’s pretty #%@&ing difficult. There are commanders that cost less mana. Commanders that…
RENTON, WA — Garry Purvis, better known as the Magic: the Gathering content creator Grixis.Garry, has found himself embroiled in his second controversy in as many days. On Monday, after Purvis was announced as an MtG Ambassador for Reality Fracture, multiple female content creators took to social media with allegations…
Following Friday’s release of the Planeswalker’s Guide to Reality Fracture, King of Games, ancient Egyptian pharaoh, and permanent anime high school student Yugi Moto (and his headmate, the Pharaoh Atem) have gone on the record to state that they condemn Jace Beleren for evidently failing to create a healthy understanding…
TENTH DISTRICT, RAVNICA – In an interplanar meeting between the two, progressive New York mayor Zohran Mamdani and Niv-Mizzet, the living Guildpact, discussed their new relationship and how they’re both improving their cities one magical act at a time. Niv-Mizzet has been hosting leaders from around the multiverse in the…
In the wake of Magic’s never-ending spoiler season, you could be forgiven for missing the announcement for “30 Cards + 1 Guaranteed Legendary Rare.” My close circle sure did! Luckily, I was able to grab a pack from my Friendly Local Gas Station (FLGS) on my commute this morning. Let’s…
CHICAGO, IL — In what has been described as a bizarre situation by everyone in attendance, former NBA player Enes Kanter Freedom was escorted by security out of a local game store after reportedly attempting to start and altercation with one of the players. Witnesses say the disturbance happened during…
BROOKLYN, NY- The Magic community is outraged once again, this time in response to revelations that Flock Cameras are tracking and cataloguing players leaving events early because of their piss-poor performance. Originally designed to track the ex-wives of police officers, Flock Cameras have come under increased scrutiny in recent weeks…
SAGINAW, MI – A local Commander Pod has had to slam on the brakes after one of their regular players was forced to install a breathalyzer on their Shorikai, Genesis Engine. Step out of the giant mecha and walk in a straight line…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump today announced that he refuses to give up the status of monarch, even though many agree he took political damage from the war in Iran. In Magic: The Gathering rules designated during the release of Conspiracy in 2014, a player can become the monarch…
THE RUBBLEBELT, RAVNICA — In a move locals describe as “surprising” and “welcomingly needed”, the oft-maligned fiery pits of rubble surrounding the Gruul guild halls at Skarrg were repaired by Ravnica city crews earlier this morning. “This is just one small victory in the plan I outlined during my campaign,”…
Sophie Cunningham’s pathetic criticisms of hypothetical trans women do not bear repeating. She is a hateful bigot, and worse, a mediocre player trying to blame trans women for seeing ghosts. There are no trans women in the WNBA. Full stop. Why are you talking about us?…
Washington, D.C. — Back in 2023, in a stunning and highly controversial decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled that while he remains President of the United States, Donald Trump cannot commit “crimes” mechanically in Magic: The Gathering, and (because the Supreme Court barely does their job for most of…
BOTHELL, WA – A local Commander pod is turning up the heat after local player Sean Patterson noticed a particular pattern in his friend and podmate Marc Garvey. After several games, it was noticed that Marc was routinely targeting Sean’s permanents, leading him to wonder if maybe he was feeling…
The Internet – Players were pleasantly surprised this Sunday, August 9th, when Brawl player RatColony772 had a positive experience with the MtG: Arena auto-tapper – it left up UU for Counterspell instead of UR for Expressive Iteration. “I cast Vivi Ornitier, but I completely forgot to tap my lands first,”…
