Amazonian Breaks Into Arena HQ and Politely Fixes Brawl
Renton, WA — “Hello everybody and welcome to a special episode of Brawl Stars–I’m Amy the Amazonian and today I’m playing with the Brawl format itself!” This sentence is what…
Renton, WA — “Hello everybody and welcome to a special episode of Brawl Stars–I’m Amy the Amazonian and today I’m playing with the Brawl format itself!” This sentence is what…
[Long, drawn-out exhausted sigh] Look, you clicked on this article. You knew what you were getting into. They spoiled Mjölnir, Hammer…
Today, in an unprompted statement, Wizards of the Coast announced the following: “Captain Kirk is Bant because we say so. Shut up.” This bizarre and unexpected statement was made presumably…
Silicon Valley, CA — I, Red of the Commander’s Herald, believe that I speak for the whole world when I come to the various tech and finance CEOs among the…
In Friday’s announcement regarding the upcoming Reality Fracture standard set, Wizards of the Coast has presumably unintentionally proven the well-known adage that straight men can’t write fanfiction. My name is…
San Francisco, CA — In yet another of the seemingly-endless funding rounds for software company, self-styled miracle factory, and future Enron-scale market atrocity OpenAI, known moron and CEO Sam Altman…
Washington, D.C. — President Trump will be appointing notorious former planeswalker and current antagonist Nicol Bolas to the new, not-yet-established Department Of Just Plain Evil, as announced in a press…
New York, NY — Reports from a local game store reveal that players may have located the protagonist. Of… everything, it seems. We followed up to investigate. “She just…
Undisclosed Location — A Wizards of the Coast designer has just gone on the record to say that their team does, in fact, purposefully design cards to upset specific YouTubers.
San Francisco, CA — CEO Dennis “Thresh” Fong said today in a private statement that he and his coworkers at AI voice moderation company GGWP are “disappointed” that, as their…
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer is, according to an anonymous Senator with a pair of Glasses of Urza, currently holding a copy…
New York City’s new mayor Zohran Mamdani promised to crack down on “basic landlords” in a press statement earlier today. “For too long have the basic landlords in this city…
As of last Thursday, February 26th, the Kansas state legislature has made a move expected to, among other things, place a very significant amount of skilled Magic: The Gathering players…
RENTON, WA — Earlier today, Wizards of the Coast’s corporate team proudly announced an upcoming set for 2027: “Universes Beyond: Magic: The Gathering.” It’s quite a departure for the company’s…