Reflecting Pool Maintains 100% Winrate Versus Narcissists

WASHINGTON DC – Echoing back to the Greek myth from which it took its name, Reflecting Pool has maintained a 100% win rate against narcissists. In its most recent test, the narcissist in question maintained that his Reflecting Pool could tap for blue mana despite only having basic forests in play.

A judge was called and quickly confirmed no blue mana within the pool, and publicly the narcissist was forced to take the loss. Witnesses say everyone already knew what was coming and that they even tried to warn ahead of time that exactly this would happen but they were waved away as well as called several pejoratives.

“You can’t just drive around an empty pool and not expect to damage the fresh liner,” one anonymous expert we interviewed told us, “If you feed the environment a green source, then green mana is what you are going to get.”

We asked Darren Farcaro, an employee from the Florida-based company hired to line the pool what he remembered about it, “I remember warning him not to do donuts on the new liner and telling him there were reporters taking pictures, so he made up a mean nickname for me and insisted I like watching my wife have sex with other men. I’m gay.”

Whatever, spectator.

Reporters could neither confirm or deny the allegations from inside the pool due to the Gleaming Barrier that was quickly assembled around it. Now experts are claiming that the liner was sabotaged. Incredible how quickly they found the damage after no one else was allowed to look at it. Truly harrowing work by the experts in our nation’s capital.

The narcissist took to social media to insist that he was the victim, as is so often the case. However, pictures of the event confirmed him to have been the cause of the green mana within the Reflecting Pool. Experts have indicated that objective reality played a huge role in the Reflecting Pool’s continued dominance of narcissists. It is unlikely narcissists will ever learn a lesson, so expect more losses to roll in over the next week and a half as we barrel towards the mono-redneck Jeskai 2026 celebration taking place in DC the first weekend of July.

When reached for comment the reflecting pool only showed a haunting reflection of a gorgeous commander’s herald reporter. Someone that would be so easy to fall in love with, and who, reporters have indicated, has been on this reporter’s mind ever since.