RFK Jr. Spearheads “Raw Card” Movement, Outlaws Sleeves
Washington, D.C. – In an attempt to push as many pet projects through while they control the government, Republican politicians like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. have been creating new initiatives…
Escape room designer, comedy show host, satire writer; Jon Ruggiero never misses an opportunity to do weird things for money. He's written for Cracked, Hard Times and Hard Drive, and hopes you enjoy what he writes here.
Washington, D.C. – In an attempt to push as many pet projects through while they control the government, Republican politicians like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. have been creating new initiatives…
Sylvania, OH – Local man and Magic: The Gathering reporter Jon Ruggiero claimed he had a great idea for a Standard deck that will blow away his Friday Night Magic…
Toledo, OH – Local game store Brain Games hosts a weekly Commander night to encourage Magic: The Gathering players to congregate and test their Commanders against each other. However controversy…
Washington, D.C. – Well-regarded polling organization Quinnipiac University released a startling report this week that the current number of Americans registered to vote in the upcoming midterm election is less…
Duluth, MN – Due to shipping delays local game shop Rob’s Collectables and Geekery is worried they will not receive cards from Magic: the Gathering‘s upcoming set Reality Fracture even though…
Tenth District, RAVNICA – New York City plane politician Zohran Mamdani, in a show of respect for his new friend the living guildpact Niv-Mizzet, took an omenpath to honor a…
TENTH DISTRICT, RAVNICA – In an interplanar meeting between the two, progressive New York mayor Zohran Mamdani and Niv-Mizzet, the living Guildpact, discussed their new relationship and how they’re both…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump today announced that he refuses to give up the status of monarch, even though many agree he took political damage from the war in…
Washington, D.C – Over the weekend, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. became angered with Dana Bash on the CNN program State of the Union during a discussion about measles…
THE INTERNET – Buzz has been expectedly loud around new cards that premiered at MagicCon: Amsterdam over the weekend, including cards from the highly-anticipated in-universe set Reality Fracture. Based around…
10. Box Art Depicting Trump On This Year’s US Men’s National Team for the World Cup Beautifully-generated art celebrating the team of winners who we’ll be cheering on as they…
REDDIT – On a popular internet forum known as Reddit, a subsection on the site named r/GirlDinnerDiaries has been growing in popularity, filled with tales of triumph and woe from…
Redmond, WA – Using a new in-house generative AI program trained on internal assets, Wizards of the Coast today released a new commercial for their Magic: The Gathering Arena product.
Mesa, ARIZONA – Though there is already one in town, Mesa City Council has announced that a new data center is being built so that Jeff Bezos and his associates…
Washington, D.C. – After a recent assassination attempt at the same hotel where former President Reagan was shot, current American leader Donald Trump proposed building a safe and secure ballroom…
Erie, PA – Norman Gilbert, a well-known Magic: The Gathering player in town, was kicked out of local game store The Goblin’s Den permanently due to the content of his…
OUTER SPACE- A phenomenon known as the “overview effect” is known to cause astronauts, such as the crew aboard NASA’s Moon-bound Artemis II, to feel a sense of oneness with…
To celebrate April Fool’s Day this year, we at Commander’s Herald decided to walk you through an article that we would write, going step-by-step through the satirical process. We came…
Chesterfield, MO – Through a message sent to its leadership, it’s been revealed that the Higher Education Loan Authority of the State of Missouri, known as MOHELA, will begin lending…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Spectators of a recent Pete Hegseth speech report that the high-ranking military official read his speech directly from the flavor text of Magic: The Gathering cards. The…
A recent Nielsen report of Milano Cortina 2026 Olympic Winter Games viewers shows a surprising statistic: many older women recognized Magic: The Gathering as something their grandchildren used to play.
Washington, D.C. – Congress has released their findings on companies that falsify their A.I. capabilities after it was discovered that Waymo uses remote workers to drive their so-called “autonomous” cars.
Olympic hopeful and Magic: The Gathering hobbyist Amber Glenn has reportedly asked other skaters in the women’s 300 meter downhill event she will be competing in if they’d be OK…
Albaquerque, NM – Local Twitch streamer Chance Edgerfell, more commonly known by the screen name ThatRealBl0ke, released a video of an attempt to speed run the post-apocalyptic sandbox game Fallout:…
UPDATE: Wizards of The Coast has revealed that an upcoming Secret Lair product will not only contain new Fallout cards based on the Amazon TV show, but also reprint cards…
Mount Pleasant, WI – Confusion and anger plague local residents after “the world’s most powerful” AI datacenter was recently built within the city, which has caused a massive drain on…
Washington, D.C. – As the government begins to return to work following the longest government shutdown on record, many returning politicians are starting up their Magic: The Gathering play groups…
Redmond, WA – In a sponsored post on his popular Tumblr blog, Magic: The Gathering Head Designer Mark Rosewater reversed a long-held belief of his due to an executive order…