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I Can Fix Them: A Love Letter to Everyone Who’s Spent Too Long Trying to Make a Bad Commander Work

*There are better commanders. I want to establish that immediately. Welcome back, lovely readers. I’ve missed you. But I’ve been busy trying to make a deck around Henrika Domnathi. Turns out that’s pretty #%@&ing difficult. There are commanders that cost less mana. Commanders that…

MTG Ambassador Claims Diplomatic Immunity From Criticism

RENTON, WA — Garry Purvis, better known as the Magic: the Gathering content creator Grixis.Garry, has found himself embroiled in his second controversy in as many days. On Monday, after Purvis was announced as an MtG Ambassador for Reality Fracture, multiple female content creators took to social media with allegations…

Yugi Moto Speaks Out Against Jace Beleren

Following Friday’s release of the Planeswalker’s Guide to Reality Fracture, King of Games, ancient Egyptian pharaoh, and permanent anime high school student Yugi Moto (and his headmate, the Pharaoh Atem) have gone on the record to state that they condemn Jace Beleren for evidently failing to create a healthy understanding…

Budding Friendship Developing Between Magic Mayors Niv-Mizzet and Mamdani

TENTH DISTRICT, RAVNICA – In an interplanar meeting between the two, progressive New York mayor Zohran Mamdani and Niv-Mizzet, the living Guildpact, discussed their new relationship and how they’re both improving their cities one magical act at a time. Niv-Mizzet has been hosting leaders from around the multiverse in the…

Set Review: “30 Cards + 1 Guaranteed Legendary Rare” That I Bought From the Gas Station

In the wake of Magic’s never-ending spoiler season, you could be forgiven for missing the announcement for “30 Cards + 1 Guaranteed Legendary Rare.” My close circle sure did! Luckily, I was able to grab a pack from my Friendly Local Gas Station (FLGS) on my commute this morning. Let’s…

Enes Kanter Freedom Declares Attack on Alesha Player Despite Being Spectator

CHICAGO, IL — In what has been described as a bizarre situation by everyone in attendance, former NBA player Enes Kanter Freedom was escorted by security out of a local game store after reportedly attempting to start and altercation with one of the players. Witnesses say the disturbance happened during…

Magic Players Furious After Flock Cameras Track Their 0-2 Drops

BROOKLYN, NY- The Magic community is outraged once again, this time in response to revelations that Flock Cameras are tracking and cataloguing players leaving events early because of their piss-poor performance. Originally designed to track the ex-wives of police officers, Flock Cameras have come under increased scrutiny in recent weeks…

Shorikai Player Forced To Use Breathalyzer Before Crewing

SAGINAW, MI – A local Commander Pod has had to slam on the brakes after one of their regular players was forced to install a breathalyzer on their Shorikai, Genesis Engine.     Step out of the giant mecha and walk in a straight line…

Trump Outlines Plans to Remain Monarch After Combat Damage

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump today announced that he refuses to give up the status of monarch, even though many agree he took political damage from the war in Iran. In Magic: The Gathering rules designated during the release of Conspiracy in 2014, a player can become the monarch…

Following Campaign Promises, Niv-Mizzet Fills in Skarrg Rage Pits

THE RUBBLEBELT, RAVNICA — In a move locals describe as “surprising” and “welcomingly needed”, the oft-maligned fiery pits of rubble surrounding the Gruul guild halls at Skarrg were repaired by Ravnica city crews earlier this morning. “This is just one small victory in the plan I outlined during my campaign,”…

OPINION: Unlike Sophie Cunningham, The Trans Women I’m Afraid Of Are Real And Playing Meta Decks

Sophie Cunningham’s pathetic criticisms of hypothetical trans women do not bear repeating. She is a hateful bigot, and worse, a mediocre player trying to blame trans women for seeing ghosts. There are no trans women in the WNBA. Full stop. Why are you talking about us?…

Supreme Court Rules Trump Cannot Commit “Crime” Mechanic

Washington, D.C. — Back in 2023, in a stunning and highly controversial decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled that while he remains President of the United States, Donald Trump cannot commit “crimes” mechanically in Magic: The Gathering, and (because the Supreme Court barely does their job for most of…

“What Are We?” Local Commander Player’s Permanents Always Targeted By Same Opponent

BOTHELL, WA – A local Commander pod is turning up the heat after local player Sean Patterson noticed a particular pattern in his friend and podmate Marc Garvey. After several games, it was noticed that Marc was routinely targeting Sean’s permanents, leading him to wonder if maybe he was feeling…

Heartwarming: Arena Auto-Tapper Leaves Up Correct Mana For The Spell She Wanted To Cast Next

The Internet – Players were pleasantly surprised this Sunday, August 9th, when Brawl player RatColony772 had a positive experience with the MtG: Arena auto-tapper – it left up UU for Counterspell instead of UR for Expressive Iteration. “I cast Vivi Ornitier, but I completely forgot to tap my lands first,”…

New Rental Trend? Bay Area Landlord Charges Table Fee For Webcam Play

Walnut Creek, CA — A Bay Area rental dispute is turning heads nationwide, as one landlord plans to charge an additional $200 a month table fee for SpellTable and other webcam-based gameplay. How does he justify such a fee? The landlord, who asked to remain anonymous, argued, “Someone playing…

Nicol Bolas Questioning Everything After Moving To Bloomburrow

Three Tree City, Bloomburrow — Residents of The Crown have welcomed a peculiar new face to the neighborhood: a kestrel known only as Nicky. “He’s an odd fellow, for sure, but who isn’t in some kinda way?” asked local owl Gennu. “I’ve been around the trees long enough to recognize…

Google Rolls Back Feature Allowing Players To Use AI-Generated Lands

Planet Earth, Milky Way — On Friday, July 31st, Google ‘rolled back’ its new and highly controversial feature that was allowing players who play Magic on digital clients to make and play with their own custom, AI-generated lands. “It was probably the dumbest fucking idea they’ve had in a hot…

Panglacial Wurm Just Isn’t The Same After Selvala Stopped Texting

Dominaria — “He’s just been sulking in his iceberg ever since the news broke,” Baru, Wurmspeaker told us. “He’s eaten barely any goblins, ransacked any villages, or fucked up any rules lawyers. So yeah, it should go without saying that I’m worried.” With…

RFK Jr. Shouts At Reporter Claiming He’s Corrupt While Clearly Having Three Poison Counters

Washington, D.C – Over the weekend, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. became angered with Dana Bash on the CNN program State of the Union during a discussion about measles and other diseases. While video of the interview has circulated on social media, Commander’s Herald has obtained a copy of…

D&D Universes Beyond Not To Be Confused With Universes Beyond D&D or D&D Beyond

Wizards of the Coast recently announced Dungeons and Dragons Universes Beyond, a product guaranteed to have fans Googling “what the hell are those Spider-Man D&D books called again?” We’ve got you covered with this clear and concise guide. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons Universes Beyond is Like…

Fact or Fiction: The Return of the MTG Hall of Fame

At MagicCon Amsterdam, Wizards of the Coast announced the return of its Hall of Fame. Once a mainstay of the competitive scene, the Hall was suspended during the pandemic, and finally making a return for 2026. To help our readers understand the new Hall of Fame and the new…

WOTC Announces ‘Rings of Power’ Set is Ready to Print; Just Waiting for Show’s Cancellation

Amsterdam, Netherlands–We here at The Herald have a powerful drive to cover breaking Magic: the Gathering news as soon as it is released to the public. We also have a corporate expense card we regularly charge to attend events under the guise…

Craterclaw Colossus Was Designed To Upset Me, Specifically

Hi there. My name is Red Pixlh3art, and I write for the Commander’s Herald. I’ve been playing Magic since around 2017, I fell in love with Commander first and have since gotten into limited and cube, and I’ve primarily been a Mardu player. My first “real” commander was…

Local Racist Hospitalized After Zhalfir Announcement

Boston, Massachusetts — At 6:45 PM on Friday, July 17th, local racist Buck Carson was taken to Beth Israel following what doctors suspect may have been a heart attack. Sources close to Carson say that his potential heart attack was quite possibly caused by viewing Friday’s Magic: The Gathering announcement…

Game Store’s Strict “No Vegetables” Policy Paying Dividends During Diarrhea Outbreak

Ship Bottom, NJ — Once dismissed as an irrational and baffling business policy, Ogre’s Hole’s strict “No Vegetables” rule has become an unlikely model of public health preparedness and diarrhea defense, as the local game store emerges as one of the few venues untouched by the ongoing Cyclospora outbreak.

WotC Using UB: Star Trek to Help Customers Recreate Federation Humans’ Lack of Money

San Francisco, CA — In 2373 on the formerly Cardassian space station Deep Space Nine in orbit around the planet of Bajor, Jake Sisko said the sentence that perfectly sums up humanity’s economic situation in the 24th century: “I’m human, I don’t have any money.” Of course, in 2026, we’ve…

Fans Unsure How To Feel About Reality Fracture Spoiler Card “Invoke Tolerance”

THE INTERNET – Buzz has been expectedly loud around new cards that premiered at MagicCon: Amsterdam over the weekend, including cards from the highly-anticipated in-universe set Reality Fracture. Based around alternate versions of Magic: The Gathering characters and spells we know and love, Reality Fracture had some surprising reveals including…

Kamigawa: Titanbreach Would Be Lazy If It Wasn’t So Sick

On Friday, at MagiCon: Amsterdam, Wizards of the Coast announced the three upcoming in-universe Magic: The Gathering sets for 2027–and one of them is a combination of two planes we’ve seen before. Kamigawa, the plane heavily inspired by Japanese folklore and culture, and Ikoria, a plane largely dominated by powerful…