Magic: the Gathering/Pro Wrestling Crossover Event Ends Abruptly Following Table Mishap

CICERO, IL — Chaos erupted over the weekend as a Paper Cube tournament was brought to an abrupt end after the feature match area was destroyed by a pair of brawling wrestlers. The event, which was run by local tournament organizer Mark Kahn, was originally intended to celebrate the local Limited community. “Our shop really isn’t that big, maybe 4 tables if we can move things around, and our local cube league was starting to take off, so we decided to run a $5000 tournament somewhere else in town. The problem was the only hall available was twice the size and twice the price of what we really needed. That’s when Mr. Lesjambes approached us about a deal.”

“Due to some circumstances out of our control, our favorite local venue over in Berwyn was no longer available for wrestling events,” Violent Arts Pro Wrestling owner Paul Lesjambes tells the Commander’s Herald through a Juggalo-English Translator. “One of our performers is a regular at Mr. Kahn’s draft nights, and passed along word of his predicament. So I spoke with him and we reached an arrangement: I’d sublet half the event hall for my show, and their players would get complimentary tickets to the event. A win for everyone.”

“Things were going smoothly most of the event. The ring crew setting up next door surprisingly wasn’t more of a distraction than the usual hustle and bustle of a Magic event,” says Kahn on the collaboration. “But we had a few players end up in control mirrors, so things ran past time a few rounds. I guess it caused a bit of bleed-over into the start of the VAPW event, so the later rounds were being held with a fight going on in the background.” Kahn says the real problems started just before , when wrestlers Big Hoss Bennington and Kain Kruell brawled into the tournament area. “We had just shuffled and made packs of the final cube when those two idiots destroyed the feature match area!”

“The original plan was that we would stash a stunt table near our merch stands, then I would slam Kruell through it during our Street Fight later that night.” Wrestler Big Hoss Bennington says the layout of the room got changed at the last minute, so the gimmicked table had moved to the other side. “I didn’t get the message in time, so I just put Kruell through the first table I saw. No one told me it was still in use. We probably should have known something was off when I didn’t go through it on the first, but we are trained to improvise in such situations.” Onlookers say Kruell then did a running frontflip into Bennington, sending any remaining cards and MTG accessories on the table at the time flying and causing the wrestling crowd to break into a roar of cheers. “A few even said that they were ‘the table’ for some reason. Not entirely helpful when my entire event just got smashed in half!”

The finals competitors reportedly agreed to a prize split after the unceremonious end to the cube tournament. The Commander’s Herald has learned that Lesjambes has agreed to pay for any damages to both the tables and the cards, with Big Hoss Bennington agreeing to a fine for his part in the incident. Asked whether he would consider another wrestling-TCG crossover event, Kahn was surprisingly open to the idea. “I think I might have it be CEDH next time though. That way the players know there’s a penalty to stalling.”