Depressing D&D Campaign Begins With Characters Meeting In Church Basement

MAZOMANIE, WI – A group of mercenaries called to adventure were surprised today to find their quest beginning not in a lively tavern, but rather a musty church basement containing an endless sea of folding chairs.

“A mysterious old man beckoned us over and we were excited to see if he was sending us on a mission,” Rutabaga the halfling bard began. “But he just started crying about how he lost custody. I tried casting Calm Emotions, but I think that kinda thing’s gonna require some higher level spell slots.”

“Believing introductions were in order, I stood up and announced myself as Horgath The Blood Augur.” said… that guy. “Everyone mimicked me with a ‘Hi Horgath the Blood Augur’ in monotone before repeating the process for Rutabaga the Bard, Marigold the Sorcerer, and Mitch the Real Estate Agent. Strange place.”

At one point a group of hags busted through the door, but before anyone could unsheathe their weapons, the interlopers realized they were early for knitting club and politely bowed out.

While some heroes were surprised at the choice of venue, others remained nonplussed.

“Eh, it seemed normal enough to me.”said Marigold. “Everybody went around sharing their names and tragic backstories, same ol same ol. Things did get a little awkward when Horgath went on about slaying the Hellbeast of Gilford Hills, but calmed down after the next adventurer sympathized with tales of battling inner demons of her own. The barbarian gave her a hug and commended her bravery. It was very sweet.”

The leader of the odd ritual, a cleric of some unknown deity, rewarded the others strange coins with differing lengths of time etched onto their faces. When the rogue asked how they might acquire such a treasure, they were politely informed it wasn’t their turn.

The meeting closed with attendants agreeing to meet up at the same time next week, a scheduling feat unheard of to most adventuring parties.