Report: Ballrooms Are Actually The Most Dangerous Rooms in Planar Multiverse
Washington, D.C. – After a recent assassination attempt at the same hotel where former President Reagan was shot, current American leader Donald Trump proposed building a safe and secure ballroom to hold future presidential events.
However, in preparation for the building of the ballroom, architects hired for the job have reported that ballrooms are actually far more dangerous places than usual rooms, including on other planes in the multiverse.
“Yeah I don’t know how you guys do it on this plane,” explained kor architect Yanko Hedly, a Phyrexian War refugee who found his way to our plane via Jeffery Epstein’s Omenpath, “but everywhere else, ballrooms are generally avoided.
“New Capenna ballrooms are flashy but mob-ridden, Innistrad’s got Voldaren ballrooms that are constantly blood-stained, and Ravnican Rakdos ballrooms are basically deadly fetish dens. So this guy coming out and saying he’d be more safe with a ballroom? Yeah I don’t believe that for a second.”
In fact, Hedley explained that a place known for having a lot of rooms does not have an accessible ballroom anywhere on the plane.
“Hell, you’ve probably heard of Duskmourn, right? Plane filled with a demon-infested house that likes to make dangerous rooms? Even they don’t technically have any ballrooms, because of what happened the last time someone unlocked one. Valgavoth got so scared he locked up both sides of the ballroom and vowed not to let anyone or anything go in there, no matter how much mana they pay him. And that thing’s like the epitome of evil; if he can’t properly manage finances for a ballroom, what hope does Trump have?”
As of press time, Republicans are scrapping ballroom plans and working on lobbying Congress for funds to build Trump his own meditation realm.
