Socially Anxious Sliver Makes Family Worry

Naomi Krause • July 28, 2023

Satire
Socially anxious sliver
Bonescythe Sliver
 | Art by Brad Rigney

KALONIAN WILDS, SHANDALAR - The newest Prime addition to the glorious Shandalarian Sliver Hive has reportedly been dealing with severe clinical anxiety, a mental health problem which has the rest of the hivemind gravely concerned.

"I just don't want everyone else looking at me and thinking I'm weird," buzzed Uneasy Sliver through the great hum. "I feel like if I open my armpits to vibrate my auditory glands, folks are gonna make fun of me. So I just stay quiet and keep to myself most of the time."

The insectoid recluse has reportedly been secreting their distress, alongside the usual pheromones, everywhere it goes. This has everyone else in the hive feeling apprehensive.

"We feel so bad for them," hummed Predatory Sliver

, one of Uneasy Sliver's thousands of closest siblings. "It's definitely rubbing off on the rest of us. A few years ago, people ruthlessly insulted our fashion choices which made us extremely self-conscious. Feels similarly crappy now. I want to reach out to them, but what if they think I'm stupid and laugh? I don't feel confident enough to take that chance."

"It's quite a strange development," said Llawan, Cephalid Empress

, creator of the Riptide Project who definitely needs a return to the spotlight and has not been confirmed dead shut up. "Most evolutions, especially in Slivers, are mutations based upon environmental necessity and survival of the fittest. This is a bizarre aberration; maybe the Muscle Sliver
s began bullying the Less Brood so the hive started spending too much time inside reading depressing news on their own."

"I'm worried too," hummed the Sliver Hivelord

. "But usually when something like this comes up, the nest provides Emotional Support Slivers to let the Uneasys know that they're loved and perfect just the way they are: an extension of the ultimate lifeform. It just takes time in a nurturing environment with trained/birthed professionals."

Thankfully, Uneasy Sliver's mental health seems to be improving every day through vibrating with Counseling Slivers. They even went out with some friends for the first time in months and devoured a bunch of villagers to celebrate.

Naomi Krause

Naomi Krause

Head of the Cephalid Advisory Group, which somehow outlived the Commander one??? follow @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social to see when i put my journalism degree to good use by publishing more card game peepee jokes