Commander Player Whining About Threat Assessment Continues to Ignore Weird Mole
GAME SHOP WITH AN AWKWARD VIBE THANKS MIKE - Players were aghast this week as Jacob Bittenbinder winged about how his opponents weren't making rational decisions by targeting him as he scratched the splotchy mole that recently appeared on his cheek.
Bittenbinder, known for underselling his combo potential and generally being a huge, malignant bitch, insisted during multiple games that he wasn't the threat.
"Players just don't know how to prioritize these days. Used to be you could point out a group hug commander and everyone would pounce on them. Now people just look at you with a well of concerned sadness in their eyes. Idiots."
Historically, players at the LGS challenged Bittenbinder on his abject bitchery, but since the growth expanded to double its size, they've settled with just kind of ignoring him.
"Dude had a Doubling Season in play but kept freaking out over Michelle's 7/7," said Bittenbinder's opponent, Rachel Mcreary. "I was going to bring it up, but then I saw the growth and decided he probably has bigger things to worry about."
"People aren't even calling me out on my claims lately, it's weird," continued Bittenbinder while flagging health insurance emails as spam. "Guess I'm just a master of politics. Like that dude from Game of Thrones with the tiny fingers. Things worked out for him, right?"
Other concerned members of his playgroup include several doctors, an insurance rep, and multiple clowns, each of which have expressed concerns and/or balloons about the potential melanoma.
"I'm literally a medical doctor telling him to get that shit examined, and the guy won't shut up about how Bingo's Seedborn Muse is way scarier," said Doctor Laura Not That One, MD. "I mean, he ended up being kinda right, but still."
In spite of these warnings, the man furiously scratching his face remains adamant that it isn't what we should be focusing on. "Nobody is listening to me when clearly I know what's best. It's like they're in denial about the obvious danger they're in. How do you live like that?"
