Ob Nixilis Dropped His Spark In The Toilet Again

Naomi Krause • June 7, 2024

NEW CAPENNA - Former adversary and notorious klutz Ob Nixilis is reported to have accidentally flushed his planeswalker spark down the toilet for the third time.

Ob's associates found themselves nonplussed by the news of his latest boobery. 

"Once is an accident, twice is a problem, but Jesus, dude, put that on a chain or something," commented Chandra Nalaar who still has hers for some arbitrary reason. "It happened to my girlfriend, too, but that was after her goddamn skin turned inside out. She didn't leave it in her back pocket with her keys."

"Nixilis's spark should win an award for how often it f***s off on its own," said journalist and Vorthos nerd, Nashi. "Dude did a lil' genocide 1000 years ago and planeswalked out of there, then  touched some jewelry and turned into a demon. After that, he got a rock jammed in his face, which made him not a planeswalker, I guess, but after eating more rocks he got better. Then he let a bunch of Eldrazi out of their kennels, killed a pigeon, took a trip to Egypt, partook in the buffet, bought a suit, and did a couple murders. You know, just living his best life. He stopped being a planeswalker AGAIN during the Phyrexian thingy, then just yesterday he was eating rocks and got his mojo back. I figured that'd be it for a while, but nope, dummy let it fall out of his zoot suit while taking an infernal crap. Can't have shit in New Capenna."

Interestingly, the irresponsible bowel impactor seemed incredibly upbeat about the incident.

"When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life," said Nixlis while disintegrating an orphan. "At this point I treat it like a timeshare. Sometimes I'll have it and can go on a nice relaxing vacation where I can meet and disembowel all sorts of new people. Sometimes I'll lose it, and that's the perfect opportunity to get to know my community and their internal organs much better. Being a planeswalker is so stressful sometimes. This creep came by last week to tell me about a weird-ass cowboy plane with other serial killers, and mannnn was I glad to have an excuse, can't stand those posers.

"I'm gonna take this time stranded to pick up a few new hobbies that I'll probably spend way too much money on at the onset before getting bored a week in. I read a book on interior decorating, and it changed my life, the Feng Shui is off the charts," said Nixilis while pointing to Lord Xander's head mounted above the fireplace.

"What can I say, I'm an optimist. I got cursed into a demon, but did I let that stop me from chopping off limbs? Hell no, if anything it bolstered my resolve. I got trapped right before the great depression and what did I do? Started a small business. I'll survive this and whatever comes my way next, I always do. It's all about perspective."

Nixilis briefly considered taking an Omenpath to work, but apparently traffic is a bitch and commuters are so stressed that they don't even taste good.

I write stuff about card games that occasionally makes you lightly chuckle. if you're actually reading this go donate a dollar to the International Crane Foundation http://savingcranes.org