Commander Opponent With Ouija Board Playmat Swears They Aren’t Targeting You
SPOOKY MESOTHELIOMA ATTIC – A group of rowdy college students who uncovered a dusty old Ouija board then decided to play Commander have been thrown into turmoil after the player using it as a playmat systematically countered or removed every single card Dave has played.
The game started casually enough with turn one sol ring > arcane signet > mana crypt or vault whichever one isn’t banned when you’re reading this, but quickly devolved into a loop of Capsizes and Orim’s Chants preventing Dave from playing the game at all.
“No dude I swear it isn’t me moving it.” said girl who didn’t believe in this spooky stuff before but now isn’t so sure. “Seriously, I’m not going out of my way to blow your stuff up. Every time I feel like attacking someone and go to tap my creatures, they move on their own.”
One player member warned everyone against the blasphemous act, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.
“Guys I-I don’t think this is a good i-d-dea” said the group nerd wait they play Magic they’re all nerds. “We d-don’t know what kind of e-evil powers we’re tampering with. I mean, have you played with Dave? I haven’t seen his newest deck, but that last Narset build made me start going to Church.”
“Pfft, that whiny little bitch combos off at the drop of a hat.” said SANGORATH, the demon inhabiting a player’s body draining their life force slightly more quickly than sitting through a solitaire turn usually does. “Oh he whinges and whines when you go after his Anointed Procession, then pops off five seconds later. We have a special place waiting for him down here.”
“At first I thought it was my grandma guiding me from above,” continued girl. “But after spelling out ‘p l a y w a r p w o r l d’ with tokens, I’m pretty sure it’s someone from the other place.”
Hasbro CEO Chris Cox appeared on the scene with a shotgun in order to defend their Ouija trademark before seeing his cousin Sangorath, saying hi and going home.
