Update: Guy Whose Commander You Countered In 2013 Still Pissed

Naomi Krause • June 29, 2024

MOX MANIA - A new, not-at-all shocking report finds that that dude you played against with a precon over a decade ago has never forgiven you for Counterspelling his commander.

Dude Berrywidth is currently 29 years old. In the time since your fateful casual LGS Commander Night game, he's earned an MBA, seen the release of six Spider-Man films, and gone through puberty twice. Despite the breadth of achievements, he's never recovered from the pain you induced through your heinous actions eleven years ago.

That doesn't mean he hasn't tried. 

"All I wanted to do was drop Marath, Will of the Wild on turn three," said Berrywidth between shots. "And this son of a bitch decides to Counterspell. Interaction is one thing, but adding 2 to the casting cost of my green commander is fucking deranged. Sorry, I didn't realize we were playing cEDH. 

"You removed my commander from the stack and the joy from my life," continued Berrywidth. "My therapist keeps telling me to move on, but I can't. I see the wasted 1RGW in my dreams. I feel table reverberations of two Islands being tapped. I smell the guy sitting next to me, but that's traumatic for a different reason.

"Through excessive drinking, I forgot how to sew, how old I am, and where I left my kids; but I'll never forget what you did to me. It's like when Frodo gets stabbed by a Morgul-knife: left a wound that'll never truly heal."

Evidently Dude had heard tales of EDH atrocities before the incident, but never imagined it happening to him.

"My grandpa used to tell me horror stories of having his Commander tucked," Berrywidth added with a thousand-yard stare. "I kinda thought that meant something else, but he was quick to correct me. Having the marrow of your deck flayed from its skeleton almost makes you want to drop the game and flee into the arms of Flesh and Blood. Never thought I'd have to go through the hell he saw, either in Magic or Vietnam."

Berrywidth got up and told us that he was preparing to preemptively counter your next play. We tried asking if he meant with a Lunar Force or something, but by that point he was already in the parking lot cutting your brake lines.