Disillusioned Magic Designer Staples Crucible of Worlds To Next Green Creature On Assembly Line

URZA’S FACTORY – Once a starry eyed child doodling cards somehow more balanced than most of the crap on r/custommagic, card designer Nadine Elliot’s spirit has been broken after years of making the same two cards kiss over and over again.

“I thought I’d be making cool commanders and lands with way too much text.” said Elliot half asleep on her break. “Now my 9 to 5 is seeing a green creature every set and slamming down the crucible of worlds stamp. I saw a colorless creature coming down the line a while ago and got super excited, only for it to be Perennial Behemoth. I know if it bring it up, someone’s gonna tell me that Perennial Behemoth isn’t technically green, and I’m going to tell their parents that I’m sorry for their loss.”

Sometimes they’ll get crazy and send an enchantment or just another god damn artifact my way. I mean it’s easy work, but my brain is melting out of my ear more quickly than a mono red player on their 36th arena game of the hour.”

Like I get it, mechanics repeat everything’s Kicker Yada Yada Yada, but this is literally the same exact text over and over again. I’m almost thinking of keywording it and taking a nap. “Crucible” (You may play lands from your graveyard) yeah sure fuck it can I go home now?

Chain smoking R&D execs claim the dead eyes of their workers are exaggerated and the team is on a roll.

“It’s just such a fun mechanic playing a fetchland, searching, shuffling, probably surveilling cuz hey fetches weren’t already good enough, then doing it again every turn. I haven’t had this much fun playing the same card over and over again since greenlighting Nadu.”

Wizards of the Coast insists that they take the mental health of their employees very seriously, which is why they’ve recently opened a line with hot glue guns and Splendid Reclamation.