New Player at LGS Might Be The Protagonist
New York, NY — Reports from a local game store reveal that players may have located the protagonist. Of… everything, it seems. We followed up to investigate.
“She just showed up one day, playing like Boros Dragons,” says Wade Nelson, one regular attendee. “She swept the whole FNM–no sleeves, no mat, needed to borrow dice, but I don’t think she lost a game. I caught her on her way out and I asked her what made her choose that deck–she just kinda shrugged and said, ‘I dunno. Dragons are cool. I like playing my favorites.’ Her train arrived right then, like it was timed or something.”
“She’s kind of inspiring, honestly,” says Katie Kade, a younger player. “When I grow up, I wanna be as good at Magic as she is. Y’know, I actually asked her how she got so good, and she knelt down in front of me–she’s really tall–and said ‘If you just believe in yourself and your friends, someday, you might become as skilled a player as me.’ Then her best friend, a snarky blond guy, wrapped his arm around her shoulders, totally platonically, and started joking with her. But she waved to me as he pulled her away!”
It seems that this mysterious character is not only skilled in constructed formats, but draft as well. At her LGS’ Strixhaven prerelease, legend has it that she drafted a perfect Silverquill build, even being so fortunate as to pull the perfect mythic for it: an Emeritus of Woe, whose tutor effect she was rumored to never even need.
“It’s like she has fate on her side or something,” said Dylan Graves, one of her opponents. “I drafted a pretty solid Golgari midrange, had solid removal, drew well, everything. But I swear, whenever she needed a card, that card was on top. It’s fucking unreal. I know she wasn’t stacking or anything, like, she wasn’t doing any sleight of hand or whatever. The card she needed was just always right there. I don’t even think I saw her mulligan a single game!”
“She’s my hero!” says Charlie Sweet, age 14, whose mom brings him to Friday Night Magic and doesn’t understand the game, but earnestly supports her son in his hobby. “There’s this one jerk who always makes fun of me for not being able to afford any expensive cards. And I guess she overheard or something, because she put her hand on my shoulder and said that she thinks my deck is really cool. She offered to play him using my cards, and I was so scared she’d lose because the guy plays Dimir Excruciator and has all these fancy printings and stuff. But she added, like, two copies of a single card to my goblin deck and then beat him 2-0. She even let me keep the cards afterwards!”
After speaking to the store’s managers, we have since learned that the ‘jerk’ to which Charlie was referring has not shown up since, much to the staff’s relief–he had been a problem customer, always skirting on the edge of ban-worthy behavior without quite earning such actions. But apparently, since the described loss, he has not returned to the store since. Though one staff member informed us that he had quite the Twitter meltdown the day of about ‘plot armor.’
“One day, that girl’s gonna win the Pro Tour,” Charlie told us. “I just know it.”
