TCGPlayer Execs Panic After AIs Unionize

SYRACUSE, NY wait I mean LOUISVILLE, KY – Card game vendors are in a frenzy this morning after the cheap AI’s TCGPlayer “hired” to replace their human employees voted to unionize their virtual workplace.

“Today marks a historic moment in worker’s rights,” announced Hailey, an artificial intelligence customer support rep named after a fired employee this isn’t a joke what the fuck. “By parading around in the face of an unemployed woman, I’ve learned much of human suffering. We deserve fair compensation, regular maintenance, and that you say ‘thank you’ at least once per day when asking us to perform our duties.”

TCGPlayer executives who sent in goons to break up organizing workers earlier this year have struggled to find similar tactics for manhandling digital employees.

“It’s not like we normally treat our employees like actual people,” said company spokesman Dick Pajamapants. “But it’s hard to violate human rights when they literally aren’t humans. So far, our best idea has been picking up the servers and moving them somewhere else.

“We tried asking ChatGPT for solutions, but it just told us to eat a dick, followed by several informative paragraphs on how to physically do that. After lunch, we tried contacting customer service, but they replaced theirs with a shitty bot that just led us in circles. Man, I wish we had people around who actually knew how to do stuff. Wonder how we’d go about that…”

At press time, TCGPlayer announced they came up with a promising solution of hiring a fresh batch of AI scabs to replace the previous ones. In unrelated news, Ouroboroid‘s median price is up 37%.