Universes Beyond: Watchmen to Feature Extended Art of Your Parents Having Sex

Naomi Krause • October 27, 2023

As part of their 2024-2025 product teaser, Wizards Of the Coast announced this week future crossovers with not only Marvel, but also the graphic novel Watchmen and its controversial antihero who famously wears a mask of your parents going at it.

Alan Moore's illustrated masterpiece is famous for tackling subject matter most deemed too mature for comics at the time. Police Brutality, the flaws of Moral Absolutism, and of course explicit depictions of your mother and father having graphic intercourse appear in over a third of the book's panels.

"I despise most adaptations of my work," said Moore between posing for silly photos. "But there's the rare exception that resonates with me. The Justice League Unlimited episode of For The Man Who Has Everything, Saturday Morning Watchmen, and now the cool Rorschach anime planeswalker that creates two Dog tokens." 

"What's interesting is that other artwork for the set appears to have been toned down," said one conference attendee. "We can't see Dr. Manhattan's junk or The Comedian killing that woman in cold blood, but right on the main character's face clear as day is my dad getting pegged. Censorship laws will never make sense to me."

Many players were shocked to discover that such explicit artwork would be featured in a modern Magic product. 

"After the Stonecoil Serpent dick-impaled guy got pulled, we thought graphic pornography had no future in our card game," said one Comic book fan with a thousand-yard stare. "Guess we were wrong. The Marvel set is probably gonna include Spiderman's canonically radioactive sperm."

Attendees have reported sightings of various alternate artworks of the card, ranging from stark depictions of alcoholism to bears high-fiving. At the moment, these are unconfirmed, but we'll keep you posted with a traditional complicated-ass Teferi flowchart. 



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