Trump Properly Explains How Banding Works During Otherwise Incoherent Speech

Gary, IN - Presidential candidate Donald Trump, who has received criticisms for his long and misguided speeches in recent months, managed to eloquently explain the difficult-to-understand Magic: The Gathering mechanic "banding" during a recent town hall event.

During the town hall, Trump was asked a question about how his administration would help boost the economy during his first 100 days in office. He instead began a diatribe about the often-ridiculed banding mechanic while also properly demonstrating how it works.

"You know, everyone's scared of the economy," were the words that fell out of Trump's mouth to begin his response. "But that's just because they don't understand it, like banding. Great mechanic, banding, not many people think about it. They don't get it, but luckily I'm one of the smart ones, I get it.

"You just choose all creatures you control with banding, and up to one creature that doesn't have banding. They attack or block together in a band, and the player with the band decides how damage is dealt to attacking and blocking creatures. It's not hard, it's important, banding is important. Protecting the important things, that's what banding does."

Many in the audience seemed confused, as they did not seem to be fans of, or know anything about, Magic: The Gathering, but they still cheered as Trump continued to speak.

"We need banding now more than ever. With enemies at the gates, we need to stick together and practice Cooperation. We must have protection from all threats: we need a Shield Bearer, we need Pikemen, we need a Noble Elephant, or Timber Wolves, or a Camel.

"Helm of Chatzuk, Helm of Chatzuk, very good card. I knew Chatzuk, great man, great bard, only recently had a card made about him, which is a shame, but he's a good banding commander, one of the best. Some playgroups don't want you playing with Chatzuk, but those people are scared, they're weak, and they deserve all the bad things coming to them, am I right, folks?"

The event winded down with 15 minutes of Trump dancing to the Streets of New Cappenna soundtrack. After the event, copies of Baton of Morale sold out across all Magic: The Gathering card marketplaces, including Cardsphere.