MtG Player Wishes He Had Taken Up a Less Expensive Hobby Like Smoking

Even with MSRP returning, Magic: the Gathering prices are still extraordinarily high and rising with the insane hype around the upcoming Final Fantasy set. This reporter sat down with concerned Magic player Ffej Netrig to talk about prices, finance, and other less-expensive hobbies.

How long have you been playing Magic: the Gathering?

On and off for most of my life. I think my first purchase was a Stronghold booster pack, and I was definitely violating ESRB rules like a boss.

Meaning you were under 13 at the time?

Well, when you put it that way I just sound old.

What made you stick with Magic all this time?

The complexity of the game, honestly. Magic is much more complex and interesting than any other game I've ever played. It's so fun and cerebral, almost addictive.

Have you ever quit?

I've tried going cold turkey before, Mercadian Masques certainly made that easy, but this time I'm finally quitting for good.

What changed?

These prices have gotten out of control. Plus, I found something that scratches that itch better: cigarettes.

You're quitting MtG and...taking up smoking?

Absolutely. Play boosters only have 14 cards now, and one of them is a land! For basically the same price a booster pack of cigarettes has 20. That's 40% better value for my buck! Plus, the thrill! Smoking is like Top 8'ing a GP for your mouth, everytime.

Gross. Aren't you worried about your health? Smoking is awful for you.

Sure, decades of peer reviewed science confirm that smoking is awful for you, but have you ever considered how bad sitting hunched over gambling-themed cardboard in a room filled with people who love their cotton candy-flavored vape more than their own mothers is for your wellbeing?

There's a lot to unpack there.

My point is: nobody at the Center for Disease Control has looked into how bad Magic: the Gathering is for your health. We've gotten thirty years worth of new sealed product and not one study. Even after the Satanic Panic!

So you're saying you're not worried about the effects of smoking because...opening booster packs could be worse for you?

They're certainly worse for your wallet. These are the things I want my tax dollars to be put towards studying.

I gotta be honest, I'm a little concerned about you, Ffej.

Ehh, I'll be fine! Worse case scenario, I'll quit and go back to buying one of every commander precon. That's still less expensive than health insurance.

Author's Note: Don't smoke kids, it's bad.

Also: Ffej Netrig is a certified dummy.