Magic: The Gathering Sidesteps Controversy By Depicting Assassin's Creed Characters With No Skin

Naomi Krause • May 24, 2024

Amidst the not-at-all silly complaints regarding the skin color of a real dude in the upcoming Assassin's Creed: Shadows, Wizards of the Coast have elected to only represent characters as if they had no skin whatsoever.

"We figured a ridiculous problem deserved a ridiculous solution," said Ubisoft developer Grond MacKenzie on his two-minute break from simultaneously building 17 open-world games. "Honestly, we're pretty happy that, out of all the shit we get up to, this is what people are mad about. Not the sexual harassment, not the $130 edition or our Quadruple A pirate game where your boat had a stamina bar. Nah. We put another real dude in our stupid time travel murder game and suddenly that's a step too far. Good to know where the bar's at."

Magic: The Gathering is no stranger to dealing with definitely reasonable big boy complaints about drawings.

"Last year," began Wizards Spokesman All Rocker. "We received some similarly valid criticism regarding the skin color of fancy pants magic elves from some 90-year-old books. I'm so fucking tired that, this time around, we're cutting out skin entirely. It makes sense Vorthos-wise, too. I mean, really, the most advanced form of stealth is concealing one's identity. Hard for eyewitnessdes to describe a murderer if that murder literally doesn't have a face."

"At first we worried that the pressure could be due to bigotry or something," said Mackenzie, "but those fears evaporated after a guy with an anime girl photo forwarded his 12-tweet rant with 'I'm not racist, but...' so that can't be it. I guess folks just really don't like historical accuracy. Shoulda put Thor in this game, too."

All creatures and basic lands in the set have been given devoid just to be safe. Wizards of the Coast has also asked artists going forward to depict queer characters without genitals under their clothes to preemptively dodge that crowd as well.

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