Magic Player Takes Crappy Old Deck To Look At The Sunset Before Unsleeving it

Naomi Krause • November 10, 2023

Satire

DEVIL'S LAKE, WI - Seasoned Commander enthusiast Melanie Grayson made the impossible decision earlier today to scrap her 2011 The Mimeoplasm deck for parts and wanted to make sure their last day together was a good one.

 

"I've been holding back tears all day," said Grayson. "I wiped the dust off of the dilapidated cardboard deckbox and caressed the dog-eared Dragon Shields I sleeved the precon with all the way back in 2012. I could tell they were excited to be out again, I just wish it wasn't for the last time."

Many players have dealt with the heartbreak of saying goodbye to a friend, often bringing them to their favorite LGS before looking over the snack counter at the obligatory mosaic of cards on the wall.

"There we were sitting on the waterfront on a warm summer evening, remembering all of the good times we've shared. Like when we were about to win, then flipped Sheoldred, Whispering One off Dark Confidant to lethal ourselves. Those were the days, I wish they could last forever."

Unfortunately, nothing ever does. Whenever you build a deck, you're signing up to be sad a few years down the line when it's old, decrepit, and outclassed by pushed new cards.

"It was an awful experience. I started by taking a few Shocklands, Sol Ring, Lightning Greaves, the usuals. I moved on to enablers, mana dorks, card draw, and soon enough the deck was becoming a husk of its former self. The cards got easier to unsleeve once I got into the rhythm of it, but I kept going at a slow pace to let it go gradually. I was down to the last of the 99 at the break of Twilight, finding myself unable to finish the job. It felt like my deck was saying 'I'm starting to get tired, think I'm gonna take a nap for a bit. Wake me up to shuffle before the next game, ok?' "Sure thing pal, sure thing."

Grayson is still shaken up over the whole ordeal, but swears she'll honor The Mimeoplasm's memory by sticking with her new Yarok, the Desecrated deck for years to come.

UPDATE: She played it twice and got bored.