ICE Agent Refuses To Reveal Their Commander Before Game
Los Angeles, CA - During the unrest caused by their very organization, an ICE Agent stopped at local game shop Freedom's Banner Collectibles to play some games of Magic: The Gathering's Commander format.
The agent, whose identity was obscured the entire time they were in-store, was in town on undisclosed "official ICE business" and looked to play a few games during their downtime, but refused to say who their Commander was prior to gameplay.
"Believe me, I'm doing this for your safety," explained the nameless agent while equipped with a bullet-proof vest and firearms. "If you found out who my Commander was, you'd know how dangerous it was and would not want to play me. Look, all I want is to play some Commander. I'm just trying to have a good, safe, American time. You don't have the right to tell me what I can and can't play with. I'm a government agent and that means I'm better than you.
"And again, I cannot remind you enough that I'm hiding my identity for YOUR safety. It's not at all because I'm embarrassed by my actions and afraid that if my name and face were revealed, some future court proceedings, possibly assembled just to try cases involving people like me, could put me in jail forever. I just want to play some cards while I'm in town, and maybe arrest people from other nations who got the wrong idea that they could live and work peacefully in this country, ok?"
The other players in the agent's pod were hesitant at first, but eventually allowed them to join the pod for various reasons.
"Yeah I know he's scary-looking, but we always have a problem finding a good fourth pod member" bemoaned Commander player Dirk Latham who was in the group playing with the agent, "so we're gonna let he or she or whoever they are play. This isn't new, either; we've had various cops and federal agents come to play at Freedom's Banner before. One time, I don't know why, they came in and arrested some Warhammer players, but I didn't say anything. Then they arrested some Lorcana players for some reason, and I didn't say anything. Hopefully since we left them alone before, that means this agent will leave us alone once we let them have what they want."
At press time, the game began and the agent revealed they were just using an unmodified government-issued Deadly Disguise precon.
