FEMA Chief Believes Hurricane is A Blue Card
Washington, D.C. - Proving why people question his position in the federal agency, the Senior Chief of Staff for The Federal Emergency Management Agency, Clancy Gumblemann, revealed in a meeting that he thinks Hurricane is a blue Magic: The Gathering card.
The confusion possibly stems from the fabled Summer Magic misprinted Hurricane, which while having a green casting cost, was printed with the then-current blue-color frame. Why this is of concern to FEMA is anyone's guess.
"Myself and various department heads have discussed Hurricane spending for the upcoming season," explained Gumblemann in a video conference call. "I had to be given an explanation of what a 'season' was, but I'm all caught up now. What we decided is that there will be no money spent on Hurricanes for the fiscal year. Not only is that a wasteful use of taxpayer funds, but Hurricane isn't even a Standard-legal card so we don't need multiple copies of it.
"I can see going to TCGPlayer, one of the country's most respectable card shops, and picking up a copy of a reprint of Hurricane, in case we build any Commander decks that rely on lifegain or ramp effects so that hopefully, whenever we cast it, as long as we have more life than our opponents, we win. And that's the thing we care about the most in this administration: winning."
Gumblemann has been criticized for his position in the agency due to him having no experience working in any facet of the government, let alone any project involving the environment.
"I know many have doubted me as head of this agency ever since I won the department chair in a raffle at Trump's inauguration. Some call into question my abilities since I know more about the military than super-bad weather. But I'm a Magic player at heart. I've had experience dealing with all sorts of weather-related phenomena, like Acid Rain, Snowfall, and Chronic Flooding, so I at least have some experience."
As of press time, Gumblemann walked out to his car and questioned why there was water from the sky hitting him in the face.
