Commander Pod Oblivious to Fact They Just Recreated American Psycho Business Card Scene

Jon Ruggiero • March 22, 2024

Waukegan, IL - While waiting for another member of their group to show up, a Commander pod inadvertently recreated the scene from the film American Psycho in which characters exchange business cards, without any hint of irony.

The players were discussing their Commanders when they managed to reproduce nearly word-for-word the same discussion as Patrick Bateman and his associates.

Commander player Rod Grabel, upon seeing his friend's deck, said, "Is that a proxy?"

"New commander," explained Dennis Cormana, who was showing off his proxied Sliver Queen. "Picked them up from the printers yesterday. That's a future-shifted border, and the other Slivers in my deck are all printed with anime cat girl art."

"Cat girls are cool, Dennis, but that's nothing, look at this," replied Harold Mince, Dennis' friend, as he revealed a freshly purchased Rakdos, Lord of Riots premium card.

"Old-bordered with a 420 serial number, what do ya think?" exclaimed Mince in a haughty manner.

"Jesus. That is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?" replied Grabel, before reaching for his own Commander deck. At this point, Cormana angrily stared at Grabel while a presumably intense inner monologue was happening. Grabel then said, "Wait, you ain't seen nothing yet."

Grabel produced his commander, a copy of Glenn, the Voice of Calm altered by a professional painter to look like Mega Man. "Altered by Klug, using the colors pale blue and white," said Grabel, proudly.

"Impressive, very nice," croaked Cormana, who then asked for a list for Grabel's deck. The table went quiet when it was revealed that Grabel had borrowed a promo Brainstorm from his cousin, with Cormana softly whispering to himself, "Oh my god, it even has an FNM watermark."


Escape room designer, comedy show host, satire writer; Jon Ruggiero never misses an opportunity to do weird things for money. He's written for Cracked, Hard Times and Hard Drive, and hopes you enjoy what he writes here.