Commander Player Prepping For All-Green 4/20 Commander Pod Accidentally Grinds Their Bristlebud Farmer

DENVER, Co. — Tragedy struck in the home of local Commander player Bogart “Bong” Waters today as his attempt to prepare for a yearly tradition with his friends went terribly awry. During preparations for his local pod’s annual weed-centered Commander party, the 420 Smokestack Blowout, Waters absentmindedly ground his only copy of Bristlebud Farmer.

“Man, I was so pissed,” recalled Waters, eyes redder than a Mountain. “I always go a little extra for the 4/20 pod, right? My dealer–shout out to my boy, Flat Dick–hooked me up with this artisanal strain grown by some guy he knows in Toronto. It’s supposed to blow your fucking mind, right? So I lit up a bit before I started sleeving up my Bristly Bill deck for the party, and midway through, I was like, ‘I’ve gotta have some more of that.’ But I was also just, like, totally gone. I reached over to grab some buds to grind, but I wasn’t really paying attention, and I… kinda grabbed the wrong bud.” Putting his head in his hands, Waters lamented, “Maaaaan, what a bummer, I really liked that card.”

Waters’ living room looked like this when we visited him for this story.

This is apparently not the first time this sort of thing has happened. “Oh yeah, Bong is always wrecking his cards some way or another,” reports Bushnell Clouds, manager of Denver game store Mile High Games. “He spends enough here that the store’s owner–shout out to my boy, Flat Dick–gave me the green light to gift him a fresh copy of Gyome, Master Chef after he carelessly ate his first one. He was high off his ass when he did, but, you know, you’ve gotta take care of your customers, right?”

Even his mom is familiar with his haphazard treatment of his cardboard. “Bogart’s marijuana habit occasionally causes him to do things like this without thinking,” recalled Mary Jane Waters. “When he was in college, he was leafing through his Modern deck while getting cleaned up, and brought his Misty Rainforests with him into the shower. He called me to ask ask for money to replace them, since he was playing in a GP that coming weekend. I could tell he was high as shit, but I couldn’t be too mad at him. I called my accountant–shout out to my boy, Flat Dick–and had him move some money around, and before you knew it, he was able to replace his fetchlands and scrub out on Day 1. The things we do for our kids.”

When asked what he now plans to play for the 420 Smokestack Blowout, Waters assures Commander’s Herald that he intends to push forward with his Bristly Bill brew. “I’ve gotta see it through… It’s what the Farmer would have wanted. Smoke ’em if you got ’em, know what I mean? I can probably just mix in a Forest or something.” As for his plans for his shredded Bristlebud Farmer, he smiled and replied, “Like I said, smoke ’em if you got ’em. I’m not gonna let some good bud go to waste.”

(DISCLAIMER: Commander’s Herald does not condone smoking your cards. Seriously, there’s, like, plastic and ink in those things. Don’t do that!)