Car Insurance Premiums Skyrocket After Commander Vehicle Rule Change
Bloomington, IL - In a surprising update during MagicCon: Las Vegas, Wizards of The Coast revealed that legendary vehicles and upcoming legendary spacecraft can be used as your Commander.
In an even more surprising turn of events, insurance companies around the country have announced an increase in all vehicle insurance premiums in response to this news.
"Due to the current updated Commander rules, we have had to raise premiums on all crewable vehicles," explained State Farm representative Carla Watchowski in an e-mail to customers. "The threat of other-planar entities, magical creations, and demonic forces cannot be diminished, especially when it comes to your vehicle. We have taken the stand that we cannot continue to manage our current plans at the rates we offer as now anyone could use their legendary Toyota Celica as a Commander.
"What does this mean for you? To start, you will begin paying an additional $45 dollars a month for your insurance plan. This will help incur the cost of fixing your vehicle after various common Commander hazards. These can range from getting into combat, being exiled, or dying to Doom Blade. We also have comprehensive plans that cover split-second damages and board-wipes, but we have yet to come up with a plan for what to do after your opponent casts Farewell."
The change has impacted every major insurance issuer, and the people affected by it are not happy.
"This is highway robbery," complained user MerryGoRound42 on the popular r/Insurance subreddit. "I'm excited for this new Commander rule; nothing says fun than playing a card game with friends and constantly reminding them of the RMS Titanic incident by destroying it as often as possible. But now they're saying need to pay more for my insurance because I registered my car to be legendary? This is clearly collusion between Big Insurance and Wizards of the Coast. They knew this would mean money for both of them, and I'm disgusted by it."
At press time, a claim towards a Commander has already been submitted after a player's Saturn Ion was Suplexed in a local match over the weekend.
