Wizards of the Coast Threatens to Release Universes Beyond: Skibidi Toilet if Demands Aren't Met

Redmond, WA - In a scathing press release, Wizards of the Coast announced today that a Skibidi Toilet-themed Universes Beyond product has been developed, but is not planned for release.

Knowing the issues and hatred this product could cause, Wizards announced that it will keep the packs away from the public if the community does a few things for them.

"Alright, idiots," started the combative press release from Wizards spokesperson Trent Crosby. "We get it. Nothing we do makes you happy anymore. You're all pissed off about the SpongeBob Secret Lair announcement, you complain constantly that we're releasing too many cards, and the Secret Lair online shop has had constant issues that you LOVE to tell us about.

Well, guess what? If you think we're ruining this game now, just wait until the Skibidi Toilet cards come out.

"Yeah, that's right, I said Skibidi Toilet cards.

What, you dumbasses don't think we have our finger on the pulse of the country? Just because we released a series of cards based around Assassin's Creed, a series that hasn't had a good video game in a decade? We know what's cool, and we know we'll sell packs of these quicker than you can say, 'Skibidi dope dope dope yes yes.' We also know how many of you pack-buying assholes we'll lose if we release an Arcane Signet with art of a dude's head coming out of a porcelain throne."

Towards the end of the press release, Crosby gives a list of demands Wizards wants met to ensure we never see a Commander deck helmed by Titan Speakerman.

"Now we can easily delete the godbook for this set, burn what few cards we've already printed, and forget it ever happened, but we need some assurances. First of all, stop asking about the goddamn Reserved List. It's done, it's over, we're not getting rid of it, so get over it. Next, the subreddit r/magicthecirclejerking must be deleted.

We don't get a lot of the humor being posted and upvoted over there, but we know it's mean, so just stop it. Finally, we want you guys to listen to the Streets of New Capenna and Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty soundtracks more. We worked really hard on those things, no one complimented us on our hard work, and they're actually really good.

They're on YouTube and Spotify, so go there and listen, unless you're jonesing for a G-Toilet version of Urza, Lord High Artificer."

At press time, Wizards has yet to release the cards, and fans have been discovering that "Old Money" is actually a pretty good song.