Sarkhan Dangerously Close to Buying Dragon Bathwater
TARKIR - An investigation/robbery by Jeskai authorities this week discovered that Sarkhan Vol's dragon obsession is balancing on a dangerous precipice after his budget was found to have allocated funds for Dragon Girl Bathwater.
"He's a dragon half the time which is neat, but that's his only thing." said dragon daddy Ugin. "Imagine if you had a friend who just constantly talked about being a human. You'd think they were a fucking alien. I wish he'd get like one other hobby. If he was into Dragons and crochet, that'd be cute. Nah, bro's just full John Travolta in The Fanatic/ L. Ron Hubbard museum."
The former planeswalker & currently unemployed cosplayer has been wracked with indecision over whether he should donate the pile of Mox Jaspers he rubs on his nipples every night to OjutaiQTpie in exchange for the vile potion, or save them so he can afford food.
"On one hand, I need nutrients to survive," said Vol while slipping into unwashed dragon footie pajamas. "On the other hand, without the delicious spring water of my flying flower, can you even call it living?"
Former planeswalker and fanship partner Narset found herself unsurprised by Vol's crazed fanaticism.
"Oh no who could've seen this coming? Not like the guy habitually stalks women who end up kicking his ass. Seriously, it's happened like four separate times. Dude followed me to the nexus of fate and would not shut up about Dragons. I get it, you like them. Please stop roaring for two goddamn seconds."
"You'd think having his idol Ugin beat the shit out of him when he started roaring and lashing out would force some introspection, but now he's just whining on the ground about how girl dragons don't go for nice guys like him. I think we're gonna have to kill this guy."
In spite of The One Ring-like obsession with bathwater, Vol has stated that he has no plans to bathe at any time in the near future.
