Report: Tap Land Isn't Happy To See You Either
Temple of Triumph | Art by Jason Felix
Top of Your Deck
Temple of Triumph
"God, out of all the players I wanted to see today, you weren't one of them," remarked Triumph upon feeling your clammy skin slightly bend its sleeve. "You wanted me on turn one? Yeah, I wanted you to wash your goddamn hands before touching me. Life is full of disappointments. You're the one who put me here, I didn't ask to be played."
The slightly dogeared dual land has loyally stood by you since the beginning of your Commander career, and you still have the audacity to groan when you draw it. Nice. Bet you're real proud of yourself.
"I can sympathize," says the Worn Powerstone
"When was the last time someone smiled because you walked into a room?" continued Triumph. "Has it ever happened? That's right, I ain't special, you ain't special. We're both burnt-out, past-our-prime replaceables."
"I even scry so you can look at the precious other cards you actually give a crap about. Sorry I never grew up to be a fancy-pants Sacred Foundry
"I get it, I'm just not good enough for you, I'm used to it. Every time one of these three-color bullshit decks gets spoiled, people are whining about crappy mana bases. You're spending $30 on 100 cards, what do you want? I'm trying my best, goddammit."
The disgruntled Temple has decided to renew its contract and remain in the decklist purely for the sense of schadenfreude it feels when you scry and get a peek at the card that would've won you the game.
