Report: Magic Players Worried After No New Secret Lairs Announced This Week

Jon Ruggiero • January 16, 2024

Renton, WA - A group of Magic: The Gathering players are praying for the health and safety of Wizards of the Coast as the company went another week without announcing a new Secret Lair product.

A candlelight vigil was held outside Wizards' offices to let the company know there are people thinking about and caring for them in this troubling time.

"We just want to know if Wizards is OK," local player Edmond Casper sadly proclaimed. "It's not about us wanting a Sol Ring that looks like it was drawn by Picasso, or a new set of mechanically unique planeswalker cards based on the cast of Friends, though we'd gladly pay for them. We just want to be sure our favorite cardboard-printing company is feeling alright; this is so out-of-character for them."

The last time a Secret Lair product was announced, Secret Lair X Dr. Who: Regeneration, was more than a month ago, though Wizards has shown off cards for an upcoming Commander deck. Luckily, Wizards has reached out to assure its fans.

"No one should be worried, this is just how business works," explained Damon Fieldy, WOTC spokesperson, who will be included in a future Secret Lair. "Unfortunately, we are forced by labor laws to let employees go home for the holidays. This has lessened our ability to make weekly Secret Lair announcements as our staff return home to either rest up or remain there after being downsized. We can safely tell our fans not to fret; we will continue to release Secret Lairs whether you want them or not."

Casper and the other vigil participants left WOTC after hearing the good news, but not before making a memorial with flowers, leftover cash, and credit cards.

Escape room designer, comedy show host, satire writer; Jon Ruggiero never misses an opportunity to do weird things for money. He's written for Cracked, Hard Times and Hard Drive, and hopes you enjoy what he writes here.