Opponent Who Targeted You With Mindslaver Gets Really Depressed For Some Reason

Naomi Krause • February 23, 2024

LOCATION, STATE - Last night in a casual Commander pod, an opponent activated their Mindslaver in an attempt to mess up your turn. Unbeknownst to them, your life is so messed up in general that a massive wave of fatigue and self loathing overtook them.

"Oh my god, do you feel this crappy all the time?" said said opponent opponent upon seeing the battlefield and life in general from your perspective. "I'm so sorry." 

We reached the opponent for comment afterwards while they were still reeling from the rush of anxiety.

"They're so fatigued and self-loathing," commented a visibly exhausted Opponent. "I just wanted to mess with their board, but their head began messing with me. It was crazy after the end step; like, the entire world was desaturated, and food tasted worse. How do you go your whole life thinking being that miserable is the standard? I mean, it explains why they were playing such a crappy deck, but still. I felt so bad. I wish I was playing a group hug deck, this person clearly needed one."

After seeing the Opponent becoming a similarly dejected husk, the artifact's victim insisted they were fine and 'everyone feels like this all of the time, right?' They then made some way too self-deprecating jokes that nobody laughed at and the group just kinda sat there in uncomfortable silence for a bit as Opponent proceeded to your first main phase. 

"The reminder text says 'you make all decisions for the player', " continued Opponent. "So I tried my best to help. I set them up to get a solid 9 hours of sleep every night, eat at least one vegetable every few days, please, dear god, and scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist. I did everything I could, but there are only so many phases in a turn. I never wished I had an Academy Ruins more. 

Other players in the pod recommended therapy, vitamins, and building a healthy emotional support system to stem the tide of depression. You deserve to feel good about yourself and remember that people care about you.

Then they targeted your commander with your own Darksteel Mutation lmao loser get rekt

my dog just died and i'm not dealing with it well.