New Australian Law Forces Magic Packs to Show Realistic Photos of Crappy Singles Inside

Naomi Krause • May 3, 2024

CANBERRA - On Tuesday, a controversial bill passed through Australia's House of Parliament that forces Magic players to come face-to-face with their likely fate: worthless singles they'll never use.

Going forward, all booster packs will be adorned with disturbing close-up photos of the awful cards customers are probably going to find inside.

"Consumers need to know the dangers involved," said senator Bill Arthur, the bill's author. "There's no better way to do that than by shoving images of the disgusting possibilities right in their face. The stats don't lie: if someone thinking about trying the game is shown a Dungeon Descent, they're 70% less likely to become involved."

Health Commissioner Bailey Davis has supported legislation from the beginning.

"Most players start out innocently enough by bumming a spare deck off of a friend," said Davis. "Maybe they'll pull one chase mythic and feel like they're on top of the world. Then they'll spend countless years and dollarydoos trying to recapture that high, only to come up short with a playset of Search the City and the inability to pay rent. If we can stop one kid from buying whatever the f*** that new Secret Lair is, it'll all have been worth it".

A public health initiative has launched alongside the package changes that provides resources to help players stop huffing that new card smell. Oddly enough, the QR code just redirects to the Flesh and Blood website.

While the Big Cardboard industry has rallied against the bill, arguing that there isn't enough data on exposure of draft chaff, most active players appear ambivalent.

"I know the risks," said that one dude who's been smoking outside of your LGS every time you go for the last 30 years. "All of my friends open at least a pack a day; I mean, like, mathematically on average over a given length of time with booster boxes. I don't want to keep filling up my closet with horrible taplands, but it's not like I can stop, either.

"Last time I skipped a prerelease, I relapsed hard enough to pick up a March of the Machine: The Aftermath box. Probably the lowest point in my life right there," concluded that dude while clicking 'add to cart' on an erotic Fblthp playmat.

It remains to be seen whether or not the practice will actually lower rates of throwing your money away. They also jacked the prices up to $35 per pack, but it's probably the picture thing.

i won a nintendo power caption contest in 2009 and it's been downhill ever since.