Magic Player Longingly Peers Through Window at Other TCGs Reprinting Entire Base Sets

Naomi Krause • December 8, 2023

Satire

After dejectedly walking home from EDH night with Reserved List cards, local player Mic Dichaelis peered through a window into the foyer of a loving card game couple reprinting their entire base sets at reasonable prices.

Konami was seen stuffing a 25th anniversary booster box of Legend of Blue-Eyes White Dragon, a reprint of the entire first set that sells for $90 a box, into a few stockings.

Meanwhile The Pokemon Company was spotted wrapping up a booster box of XY Evolutions, a functional reprint of the 90s Base Set with updated formatting and a handful of new ultra rares. The box originally sold for around $150, although it's jumped to a staggering $800 in recent years.

"Yeah, the Pokemon boxes really jumped because of a few chase rares with weird print quality," said The Pokemon Company while calling the cops on the weirdo standing outside their window. "I know, $800 for 36 packs of cards is absurd. $22 for one pack of cards? That's an insane rate."

Upon seeing this, Dichaelis looked down at the 30th Anniversary Mind Twist proxy that cost them over $600 and began to weep. 

After law enforcement showed up to detain the sobbing creep and kill four dogs, both companies were reached for comment.

"They were shouting something about how it would 'destroy the value' of old cards?" said The Pokemon Company. "Yep, mhmm, base set Charizard foils are, like, $2 now. How could we?"

Konami, however, feels slightly more empathetic towards the voyeur.

"I kinda feel bad for them," said Konami. "Our game balance might be a shit show right now, but at least we're legally allowed to make cards. Can you imagine not reprinting popular game pieces for nearly 30 years? That'd be insane. Players get a hit of nostalgia, we get to rake in some cash without actually making anything new. It's a win-win, just like our Metal Gear Solid Pachinko Machines." 

Dichaelis has been serving their time in an Arizona Detention Center pending trial, and has found solace in playing with index card proxies of Magic cards that are worth more shoved up your ass than official ones.