Magic Designer Whose Parents Were Killed by Giant Pigeon Won't Stop Making Plummet Effects

Naomi Krause • August 18, 2023

Art by a lot of people I don't have space to list | Every Plummet on Scryfall


MAHTOG, WA -  In a conniving long con of patricidal vengeance, Magic: the Gathering developer Marisha Barton has designed yet another spell that destroys target creature with flying.

When news broke of an oversized avian breaking containment in 1998, few could imagine it would lead to a mountain of unplayable trading cards. Marisha explained what happened that dark night and how it impacted her career.

"It descended from inky darkness and grasped each of my dads in one its massive talons. Then, they just flew straight upwards for what felt like hours. I wasn't even sure where they went before I heard a sickening splat behind me and saw the mangled piles of viscera and dress shirts that once gave me hugs."

"Ever since that tragic day in the alley behind the opera house, I've done everything in my power to ensure the winged rats will never feel safe again. They need to experience the same fear I've experience every single day when I look at the sky. I'm not out for justice, I'm out for revenge."

Unfortunately for Barton, giant birds are incredibly difficult to track down, so instead of enacting her psychopathic animal massacre dreams in reality, she channeled them into making the flying monsters afraid to play Magic by creating the original Plummet.

"I was going through a different phase of grief for all of them, each one an ingenious weapon developed to combat a different type of bird. Choose Your Weapon helps you curbstomp their beaks, Sagittars' Volley is great if you want to mow down entire families, and Slingbow Trap is perfect for those god damn crows."

"I'm a pretty big fan," said Bill from accounting who gets to design cards for some reason. "I had my folks run over by a tractor a while back, so I've been squeezing a Naturalize into every set. We decided to join forces and randomly slap our two effects together from time to time and crossed our fingers hoping no one remembers Beast Within exists."

Other employees, however, have not been quite as supportive of Barton's creations.

"In public, we chalk it up to sideboard tech or keeping pushed creatures in check, but honestly we're just terrified of her.," said WOTC employee Todd Krishner while hiding behind his file cabinet. "One time Mark Rosewater walked into her office to try talking her out of Pinion Feast. We don't know exactly what happened, but the entire room went black and he came out with white hair."

Marisha was last seen frothing at the mouth half-assedly taping an adventure plummet to some shit as she put together another Scarecrow deck.

Naomi Krause is a weirdo Cephalid lady who writes jokes about card games and desperately craves your approval due to an emotionally abusive upbringing. She also loves crabs!