Fans Concerned U.B. Final Fantasy Won't Come with Dozens of Glitches for Authentic Gameplay Experience

Jeff Girten • March 18, 2025

Satire

Tokyo, Japan - Nearly a dozen fans of Final Fantasy and Magic: The Gathering were seen protesting outside of the headquarters of Square Enix this morning. The protestors chanted offbeat, trying out hamfisted rhymes like "Just because there's a Moogle, we won't be bamboozled" to little effect.

When approached about the nature of their protest, one rather befuddled-looking man said, "We're worried the new Universes Beyond: Final Fantasy set won't be true to the franchise. If it doesn't have dozens of errors and glitches that have to be patched on day one, then we don't want it!"

The befuddled man, who identified himself as Ffej Netrig, then rejoined the dwindling crowd holding almost three signs that said "These Translations are too Good!" and "What's in Tidus' Mouth?!?!" The scant group of protestors' anger was clear, even if their intentions and goals were not. This reporter pressed the crowd for how they expected Wizard of the Coast to update physical cards and was met with a shout of "I dunno! AI?" before one of the few remaining protestors fled the scene.

The Final Fantasy franchise has had some notorious errors over the years ranging from poor translations and strange voiceover reads to glitches that allow players to take multiple combat turns in a row, becoming an endearing hallmark of the series and leading to frequent day one patches of the series' modern entries. While many mainstream gamers find these glitches indicative of the rushed nature of modern video game development, certain... quirky members of the fanbase have taken a liking to them.

"If this set doesn't include the misprinted Corpse Knight

with three toughness, we riot!" Netrig shouted at me as more protestors left, alluding to one of the more infamous misprints in Magic: The Gathering's history. "We don't want Final Fantasy to be corrupted by the proofreaders at WotC and Big Spelling." For a moment, Netrig paused as if seeing his tinfoil hat for the first time before resuming his march and unusual protest songs.

Netrig attempted to gather several passers by to join his dwindling movement, but the confused onlookers simply handed him a few yen and continued on their way. While this reporter has his own questions about how Universes Beyond properties are mixing their IP into Magic's own, it was hard to watch Netrig's outrage be met with a non-response from Wizards of the Coast, Square Enix, and even his fellow citizens. 

Stay tuned for what, if any, effect this anti/pro-Universes Beyond Final Fantasy protest may have and if the protestors are able to articulate what it is they exactly want.