Eight Year Old Pulls Serialized One Ring, Trades It For Big Ass Dinosaur

Naomi Krause • June 30, 2023

The One Ring | Art by Veli Nyström

Madison, WI - Local fool of a child Timmy Took set the Magic: The Gathering community ablaze this week when he pulled the rarest possible copy of The One Ring 001/001 and traded it for a moderately played Carnage Tyrant.

"Carnage Tyrant is so cool!" said the idiot child. "She's big and has trample and can't be countered or targeted or killed sometimes. 'The ring tempts you' is confusing and bad and doesn't make sense why is it good for you. Dinosaurs is way cooler."

This news is coming hot off the heels learning that Wizards of the Coast apparently hired children to name half of The Lord Of The Rings cards, so it checks out.

After pulling the card and immediately creasing it, nearby shoppers told the boy to run home as fast as he could.  A few tried to explain basic economics to the child, but like a kid picking between $20,000 or a Wii on a gameshow, he was so happy with his sweet new dinosaur that their pleas fell upon deaf ears.

Local subreddit moderator Slarthur Ughorn emerged from a darkened corner to make the trade, citing his love for The Hobbit (2012) and disdain for proxies.

Detractors of Mister Ughorn allege that he's taking advantage of a small child's naivety, whereas supporters say he's a wonderful person for scamming a child. Ughorn declined an interview and instead went straight to hoard his newfound treasure and keep it safely hidden away from prying eyes.

Reports show that young Timothy is happily playing his favorite dino at kitchen table Magic with his friends, while the owner of The One Ring remains hunched over in his cavern where the only sounds to be heard are the echoes of paranoid rants that someone is coming for it and nonsensical misgivings about characters of color being in his sacred card game.

 

 



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