Climatologists Worried Over Recent Increases in Desert Cubes

WICHITA, KS — A new study from Wichita State University has raised the alarm on recent limited Magic: the Gathering culture shifts. The study, published by the American Climate Advisory Board, has noted an uptick in the amount of Desert Cubes showing up across the nation, leaving experts worried about the implications to our nation’s limited landscape.

“Just a couple decades ago, you could find all sorts of landscapes across the area. Forests, Plains, Swamps, all free and plentiful for anyone to use.” Professor Lon von Rondonton has spent the last three years studying cube trends, and noticed the lands-included limited sub-format has correlated with depletions of natural resource availability. “With provisional changes in land ownership rules, fewer of these resources are making it to the public, and it could lead to a major disaster to those unprepared for it.” Professor von Rondonton notes in his study that conditions for desertification have become increasingly prevalent since his research began. “What was originally a phenomenon that only sprung up outside Las Vegas is suddenly showing up as far north as Madison and Chicago. There’s been reports of a Desert Cube forming in the Boston area that could be fully realized by this summer. There’s no limited environment where this is safe.” 

While the study doesn’t find a single culprit, activists have point to such things as overgrazing, landscaping deregulation, and the urge to draft the Urza Lands as contributors to the rise. Critics have been resistant to the report’s findings, saying the concern is overblown. “Why should I be concerned about a few have-nots being without mana? It’s my land, I should decide who gets to use it,” says Congressman Henry Navratil (R-TX). “If I want to have a Maze’s End on my property, I shouldn’t have to ask permission. If I want to have a Valakut for my friends and I, the government shouldn’t be interfering. If I want a fully functional Field of the Dead in my possession, then it’s my God-given American right to do so.”  At time of writing, the FBI is still investigating the Navratil property for the location of this alleged Field of the Dead.

All is not without hope though, as von Rondonton tells us. “We’re experimenting with ways to combat Cube Desertification across the globe. Scientists in China are seeding land packs into previously deserted cubes. There’s a mono-Green belt initiative across sub-Saharan Africa. Even at home, there’s been a few noted successes when introducing Commune with Beavers into limited environments on the edge of turning into Deserts. The mana fixing just makes everything feel more natural, you know?” As for what his next research task will be, Professor von Rondonton says he’s already found a subject. “I’ve started some basic research on the benefits of Clover. I know it’s early, but my findings so far have been quite uncommon!”