BREAKING: Final Shahrazad Subgame of World Championships 1994 Just Ended

MILWAUKEE, WI - Many thought this day would never come, but the Magic: The Gathering 1994 World Championships has concluded its last Shahrazad subgame after an agonizing 30 years.

Jimmy Macvile and Harold Towers, rival trading card titans, have been sitting at the crappy plastic table since two years before I was born. They arrived excitable children and departed jaded middle-aged adults whose unshowered bodies still smell marginally better than most Magic tournaments.

Every time a Judge tries to end the game for slow play, one of the duelists simply begins another subgame, resetting the time limit and rendering authorities powerless.

"It's eternity in there, man," said Towers, describing the control mirror. "Every time a new subgame started, we had to crouch under the table. Then someone would play another one and need an even smaller table, rinse and repeat. Pretty sure we kept the Barbie Furniture store alive through multiple recessions." 

When reached for comment on whether or not the premending planeswalkers would be receiving their own World Champion self-insert OC kevin do not steal card, Wizards of the Coast stated that the match was only to decide who got 7th place, and neither of the players has shaved since the Clinton administration, so they're gonna pass.

While Shahrazad was officially banned in every format as of 200,7 which was 17 years ago, what the fuck; this tournament began well beforehand and refused to end until someone escaped the labyrinth in an echo of the infamous Honolulu Pro Tour Platinum Angel incident.

Judge Mike Conrad, the only other citizen of this mono-white purgatory, has been stuck as the sole rule enforcer for the past half of his life. Unable to step down or lose his $7 judge salary, Conrad said Farewell to his pregnant wife and settled in for his ultimate challenge. His daughter was born, grew up, graduated college, and became a Magic Judge herself out of determination to relieve her father from the burden of his duty. Tragically, the final subgame ended as soon as she graduated judge school, so she ended up wasting slightly more of her life than most Magic players.

Jimmy Macvile and Harold Towers, rival trading card titans, have been sitting at the crappy plastic table since two years before I was born. They arrived excitable children and departed jaded middle aged adults whose unshowered bodies still smell marginally better than most Magic tournaments.

Every time a Judge tries to end the game for slow play, one of the duelists simply begins another subgame, resetting the time limit and rendering authorities powerless.

"It's eternity in there, man." said Towers, describing the control mirror. "Every time a new subgame started, we had to crouch under the table. Then someone would play another one and need an even smaller table, rinse and repeat. Pretty sure we kept the Barbie Furniture store alive through multiple recessions." 

When reached for comment on whether or not the pre mending planeswalkers would be receiving their own World Champion self insert OC kevin do not steal card, Wizards of the Coast stated that the match was only to decide who got 7th place and neither of the players has shaved since the Clinton administration, so they're gonna pass.

While Shahrazad was officially banned in every format as of 2007 which was 17 years ago what the fuck, this tournament began well beforehand and refused to end until someone escaped the labyrinth in an echo of the infamous Honolulu Pro Tour Platinum Angel incident.

Judge Mike Conrad, the only other citizen of this mono white purgatory, has been stuck as the sole rule enforcer for the past half of his life. Unable to step down or lose his $7 judge salary, Conrad said Farewell to his pregnant wife and settled in for his ultimate challenge. His daughter was born, grew up, graduated college and became a Magic Judge herself out of determination to relieve her father from the burden of his duty. Tragically, the final Subgame ended as soon as she graduated judge school, so she ended up wasting slightly more of her life than most Magic players.

Jimmy Macvile and Harold Towers, rival trading card titans, have been sitting at the crappy plastic table since two years before I was born. They arrived excitable children and departed jaded middle aged adults whose unshowered bodies still smell marginally better than most Magic tournaments.

Every time a Judge tries to end the game for slow play, one of the duelists simply begins another subgame, resetting the time limit and rendering authorities powerless.

"It's eternity in there, man." said Towers, describing the control mirror. "Every time a new subgame started, we had to crouch under the table. Then someone would play another one and need an even smaller table, rinse and repeat. Pretty sure we kept the Barbie Furniture store alive through multiple recessions." 

When reached for comment on whether or not the pre mending planeswalkers would be receiving their own World Champion self insert OC kevin do not steal card, Wizards of the Coast stated that the match was only to decide who got 7th place and neither of the players has shaved since the Clinton administration, so they're gonna pass.

While Shahrazad was officially banned in every format as of 2007 which was 17 years ago what the fuck, this tournament began well beforehand and refused to end until someone escaped the labyrinth in an echo of the infamous Honolulu Pro Tour Platinum Angel incident.

Judge Mike Conrad, the only other citizen of this mono white purgatory, has been stuck as the sole rule enforcer for the past half of his life. Unable to step down or lose his $7 judge salary, Conrad said Farewell to his pregnant wife and settled in for his ultimate challenge. His daughter was born, grew up, graduated college and became a Magic Judge herself out of determination to relieve her father from the burden of his duty. Tragically, the final Subgame ended as soon as she graduated judge school, so she ended up wasting slightly more of her life than most Magic players.

Jimmy Macvile and Harold Towers, rival trading card titans, have been sitting at the crappy plastic table since two years before I was born. They arrived excitable children and departed jaded middle aged adults whose unshowered bodies still smell marginally better than most Magic tournaments.

Every time a Judge tries to end the game for slow play, one of the duelists simply begins another subgame, resetting the time limit and rendering authorities powerless.

"It's eternity in there, man." said Towers, describing the control mirror. "Every time a new subgame started, we had to crouch under the table. Then someone would play another one and need an even smaller table, rinse and repeat. Pretty sure we kept the Barbie Furniture store alive through multiple recessions." 

When reached for comment on whether or not the pre mending planeswalkers would be receiving their own World Champion self insert OC kevin do not steal card, Wizards of the Coast stated that the match was only to decide who got 7th place and neither of the players has shaved since the Clinton administration, so they're gonna pass.

While Shahrazad was officially banned in every format as of 2007 which was 17 years ago what the fuck, this tournament began well beforehand and refused to end until someone escaped the labyrinth in an echo of the infamous Honolulu Pro Tour Platinum Angel incident.

Judge Mike Conrad, the only other citizen of this mono white purgatory, has been stuck as the sole rule enforcer for the past half of his life. Unable to step down or lose his $7 judge salary, Conrad said Farewell to his pregnant wife and settled in for his ultimate challenge. His daughter was born, grew up, graduated college and became a Magic Judge herself out of determination to relieve her father from the burden of his duty. Tragically, the final Subgame ended as soon as she graduated judge school, so she ended up wasting slightly more of her life than most Magic players.

Jimmy Macvile and Harold Towers, rival trading card titans, have been sitting at the crappy plastic table since two years before I was born. They arrived excitable children and departed jaded middle aged adults whose unshowered bodies still smell marginally better than most Magic tournaments.

Every time a Judge tries to end the game for slow play, one of the duelists simply begins another subgame, resetting the time limit and rendering authorities powerless.

"It's eternity in there, man." said Towers, describing the control mirror. "Every time a new subgame started, we had to crouch under the table. Then someone would play another one and need an even smaller table, rinse and repeat. Pretty sure we kept the Barbie Furniture store alive through multiple recessions." 

When reached for comment on whether or not the pre mending planeswalkers heehee penis would be receiving their own World Champion self insert OC kevin do not steal card, Wizards of the Coast stated that the match was only to decide who got 7th place and neither of the players has shaved since the Clinton administration, so they're gonna pass.

While Shahrazad was officially banned in every format as of 2007 which was 17 years ago what the fuck, this tournament began well beforehand and refused to end until someone escaped the labyrinth in an echo of the infamous Honolulu Pro Tour Platinum Angel incident.

Judge Mike Conrad, the only other citizen of this mono white purgatory, has been stuck as the sole rule enforcer for the past half of his life. Unable to step down or lose his $7 judge salary, Conrad said Farewell to his pregnant wife and settled in for his ultimate challenge. His daughter was born, grew up, graduated college and became a Magic Judge herself out of determination to relieve her father from the burden of his duty. Tragically, the final Subgame ended as soon as she graduated judge school, so she ended up wasting slightly more of her life than most Magic players.

Jimmy Macvile and Harold Towers, rival trading card titans, have been sitting at the crappy plastic table since two years before I was born. They arrived excitable children and departed jaded middle aged adults whose unshowered bodies still smell marginally better than most Magic tournaments.

Every time a Judge tries to end the game for slow play, one of the duelists simply begins another subgame, resetting the time limit and rendering authorities powerless.

"It's eternity in there, man." said Towers, describing the control mirror. "Every time a new subgame started, we had to crouch under the table. Then someone would play another one and need an even smaller table, rinse and repeat. Pretty sure we kept the Barbie Furniture store alive through multiple recessions." 

When reached for comment on whether or not the pre mending planeswalkers would be receiving their own World Champion self insert OC kevin do not steal card, Wizards of the Coast stated that the match was only to decide who got 7th place and neither of the players has shaved since the Clinton administration, so they're gonna pass.

While Shahrazad was officially banned in every format as of 2007 which was 17 years ago what the fuck, this tournament began well beforehand and refused to end until someone escaped the labyrinth in an echo of the infamous Honolulu Pro Tour Platinum Angel incident.

Judge Mike Conrad, the only other citizen of this mono white purgatory, has been stuck as the sole rule enforcer for the past half of his life. Unable to step down or lose his $7 judge salary, Conrad said Farewell to his pregnant wife and settled in for his ultimate challenge. His daughter was born, grew up, graduated college and became a Magic Judge herself out of determination to relieve her father from the burden of his duty. Tragically, the final Subgame ended as soon as she graduated judge school, so she ended up wasting slightly more of her life than most Magic players.