BREAKING: Fblthp Is Lost Again & I'm Honestly Sick of His S#!&
Hello, Trett Betten reporting to you live from the swamps of Ikoria, where it seems that again... Fblthp has gone missing... Alright, I'm going to level with you, I'm getting pretty tired of this little guy's s#@&! I'll try to make this fast, since I'm slowly sinking into a bog.
As a lot of you know, I was "promoted" to a field reporter several years ago, which was a huge break for my career. Of course, my first big story was reporting on a certain Homunculus gardener who went missing. Sounds easy enough, but it wasn't!
Somehow, a full-on interplanar war broke out, and that tiny son of a b&%# was right at the center of it. Have you ever tried reporting to a live audience while Chandra is incinerating an undead warrior right beside you?! I didn't think so...
Well, just when I thought we got a good enough shot of him, he was gone again...
What happened next was insane, and no one ever believes me! Fblthp took on Nicol Bolas himself and somehow won...? Which you would think would be exciting to witness, but it wasn't; it was mainly hot. I mean, have you ever been mere inches away from real lava? It's really hot, and it completely ruined my best reporter clothes.
Then I lost track of him again, and I honestly started to think "hey, maybe he's finally settling down, and keeping a low profile." As soon as I thought that, we had another otherworldly threat, and would you look at that, Fblthp showed up! This time I couldn't believe my eyes, because he was somehow riding Borborygmos...
I could go on and on about that whole scene, but to be frank, I'm slipping further into this marsh, so I need to move on.
I then followed him to a place that was so Eternal, it almost Blinded me!
Once I finally stopped reeling that, I spotted him at a lost and found... Which at this point was just patronizing to me, but then he was off again!
The last place I caught a glimpse of him was on that scorched rock known as Thunder Junction. If you thought lava was hot, you haven't felt the heat of the afternoon sun on that plane while two dragons fight over a fresh ox carcass. I took a brief break to wipe my brow, and when I looked up, he was gone... Again...
So here I am, waist deep in an Ikorian mire, surrounded by several cat iguana bat... things. All because someone MIGHT have spotted a confused, one-eyed brussel sprout on this plane! Well, maybe this time I'll finally catch up to him, or maybe my producer will give me a new assignment. I'm not holding my breath for either; but I might have to since the mud is getting up to my chest.
My name is Trett Betten, and I'll have more on the whereabouts of this little F%#&ER tonight at 11... Hopefully.
