List: Top Items In The Great American State Fair Festival In A Box

10. Box Art Depicting Trump On This Year’s US Men’s National Team for the World Cup

Beautifully-generated art celebrating the team of winners who we’ll be cheering on as they dominate the worl…oops, never mind.

9. A Cheap Proxy of The Great Henge

Printed straight from a library that hasn’t changed the ink in its devices in years due to budget cuts. You can really see the CMYK!

8. Damaged Reflecting Pool

Pre-sleeved; if you even think about touching it with your bare hands the National Guard will detain you indefinitely.

7. AI-Generated Confederate Flag Sleeves

What’s that, the Confederate flag has 13 stars, not 15 chicken wings? It’s fine, most people won’t be able to tell with these printed-on penny sleeves.

6. The Feeling of Ennui That Comes With Living Under a Collapsing Empire

You can’t put a price on the true sense of dread that comes with the fact that you’re hearing the death rattle of your country.

5. Heat Stroke

This is just a given with any activity that takes place in the U.S. in July this year. Be sure to drink plenty of water when opening packs!

4. A MyPillow-Branded Playmat

New to this year’s Festival in a Box, a playmat from a tried-and-true American company that put all its eggs in the Trump basket.

3. A Playtest Sticker Card That Calls You a Slur

Hopefully Gavin didn’t personally approve of this card.

2. Secret Lair: Jeskai War Crimes

Contains such patriotic cards as Annex, Weapons Manufacturing, and Illusion of Choice!

1. An Aetherdrift Booster Box

Cars? Check. Competition? Check. Cheap? Check. Just like America! God bless Aetherdrift!