Untapped Mountain Only Justification ICE Agent Needs
PHYREXIA MINNESOTA – Americans are up in arms today after an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer fatally shot a Magic player who had nothing but an untapped Mountain on their person.
According to officials, the kinda sorta law enforcement agent heroically murdered the hellbent player in cold blood because he had a thing that could maybe do something at some point potentially.
The agent behind the brutality has remained adamant that he took a proportionate response.
“Look, we all know what an untapped mountain is capable of.” said offending snow-covered Gestapo officer Shipdit. “Sometimes to beat a bad guy with burn, you need a good guy with burn. Or a lethal weapon. If you don’t want to get brutally murdered, don’t threaten interaction. Or stand there with it. Or stand in general.”
Shipdit, who dropped out of high school before they covered German history, was recruited by the agency outside of a Modern tournament he was kicked out of for screaming at the nine year old he lost to.
“Believe it or not, ICE is home to a number of Magic players.” said officer and elder defrauder Kenneth Gobcockler. “Our ideal recruit is a moron nobody likes with an inferiority complex who recklessly escalates every situation they’re in. Tell me you haven’t seen at least one of those at your LGS.”
An alarming number of social media users have defended the patriot while attempting to character assassinate the victim because he played Tergrid once. On commenter suggested “You can’t just walk around with something that scary, there should be laws against that. Wait no-”
Similar recent homicide cases have been motivated by a mother maybe having a counterspell, a woman asking to wait before going to combat, and some guy taking seventeen extra turns which ok to be fair that last one kinda makes sense.
Apolitical players meanwhile have expressed irritation that recently spoiled The Grand Goatnapper is Alchemy only, since they’re running dangerously low on scapegoats for abduction.
