Heat Wave Across The Country Releases Thousands of Marit Lage Tokens
Atlanta, GA – According to a report from The Weather Channel, numerous Dark Depths around the country have quickly lost their ice counters due to the recent US heat wave.
The hotter weather, also felt around the world, has inversely affected Magic: The Gathering fans with copies of the well-known-and-legendary snow land.
“Please be advised for multiple heat warnings in your area,” announced Clark Typhoon, a meteorologist for The Weather Channel, during a recent broadcast. “It’s been getting warmer these past few summers but this is unlike anything I’ve seen. Be sure to check on your Commander and Legacy players, as well, who may be dealing with rapidly-thawing snow lands like Dark Depths. We’ve received reports of various Marit Lage token outbreaks around the country, and every report says Marit Lage differently so we’re even more confused and concerned at this turn of events.
“We advise everyone with a Dark Depths in their deck place said deck in a cool or at the very least shady spot to minimize the effects of the hot weather. Should something occur to remove the last counter, get as far away from the card as possible, as the token will be released almost immediately. If you’ve never seen a Marit Lage token, it’s big, scary, indestructible, and once ruled many different formats, so be sure to treat it like the threat it is.”
Online discourse has led to many speaking out about the problems in the community caused by the tokens, and steps people have taken to keep the thing in the ice.
“That damn eldritch beast ruined my vacation,” complained user XjuicylucyX on r/weather. “I was excited to go to the beach and play The Necrobloom deck I just made, but as soon as I get it out the card melted and out came Marit Lage, and it almost sent me to the hospital!”
“Luckily the few I own still have ice counters on them,” said another user VampHexM46, “and I don’t know how the rest of you feel, and it might be extreme, but I’m gonna do everything to defend them and I’ll die before those counters are removed.”
Another Redditor by the name asseous_form used the Marit Lage issue to nonsensically complain about the government: “This is all because we were mean to Trump during his birthday parade. Now the machine those fucks in Washington use to change the weather is going to kill us! I hope you’re all happy!”
At press time, The Weather Channel has advised citizens to group Marit Lage tokens together so that the legendary rule can get rid of most of them.
