WotC Destroys Magic 30 Product to Commemorate Reserved List Anniversary

UNDISCLOSED LANDFILL, NJ — March marks 30 Years since the implementation of the Reserved List, the controversial policy which has kept many older cards from receiving reprints. To celebrate, Wizards of the Coast has taken it upon themselves to honor its tradition by destroying any remaining product from Magic’s last 30th Anniversary around.

“I know our customers have been critical of our plans for past anniversaries, and we really want to get this one right” says WotC president John Hight, meeting us with an assortment of shovels, rakes, and other implements of destruction. “And by customers, I of course mean the wonderful people of the secondary market. That’s why we’re celebrating the best way we know how: destroying a bunch of already rare Magic 30 cards we had lying around to inflate artificial scarcity. Here, put in these ear plugs and let me show you. PULL!” A stack of Volcanic Islands was then launched into the air like a clay pigeon for Hight, shotgun at the ready. “Line Go Up, Baby!” he shouted as the cards turned to confetti, falling over an aging pile of ET cartridges. 

“We figure it’s appropriate to celebrate our promise to the community by repeating it anew” Chris Cocks says as he feeds unopened Magic 30 packs into a flaming barrel. “We want to make sure those who invested in our game — and our company! — to get the most out of their investment. That, and we want to ensure our prized ‘Sold Out’ product stays ‘Sold Out'” he cackled before noticing our conversation was being recorded. Cocks has asked us to note his statements were in jest, and to “please do not tell the lawyers [he] said that”.

“The Reserved List is one of those topics that’s frequently brought up on my blog, and I keep saying it’s above my head” Mark Rosewater tells Commander’s Herald in a separate interview, “It’s a matter of promissory estoppel, legal stuff. Nothing we can do.”  When prodded if the company’s recent comments about Universes Beyond and its contradictory comments about being included in Standard would also be considered estoppel, a red laser sight appeared on a visibly shaken Rosewater’s forehead. “Serpentine” he yelled before abruptly running out of the room.

Asked his thoughts on the policy, Hight said he had no plans to make any changes. “I know there’s been pressure from the community to make these cards more available for older formats, and I get that, but we want to make sure every product we put out feel special, to players and collectors alike. That’s why I think it’s important, at least to tradition, to keep some cards especially rare”, he tells us while feeding Underground Seas into a wood chipper eerily similar to the one from the movie “Fargo”. “By the way, can you hand me that box behind you? I’m seeding in some March of the Machines Aftermath cards so they can’t proxy together the pieces.”