Wizards of the Coast Cancels Universes Beyond Because of YOUR 5,000-Word Reddit Post

Jubilee Finnegan • February 27, 2024

RENTON, WA -- Universes Beyond has led to unprecedented growth of Magic: The Gathering, both on a financial and community level. However, Wizards of the Coast CEO Cynthia Williams shocked the world when she announced that all Universes Beyond products will be canceled "effective immediately" in response to YOUR 5,000-word Reddit post.

While previous crossover initiatives such as Magic: The Gathering - Universes Beyond: The Lord of the Rings: Tales of Middle-earth™ Special Edition Collector Booster Boxes were among the most popular releases in the history of the game, lead product architects found the arguments presented in your 5,000-word Reddit post far more persuasive. As a result, all Fallout Commander decks have been burnt in a ceremonial pyre as an offering to the Blood God (which Williams made very clear was not Khorne from Warhammer 40,000). 

"Initially, we were going to use Universes Beyond to do what every company wants to do: Grow at an unsustainable pace as the great capitalist machine demands," said Cynthia Williams as she shredded copies of  The One Ring. "However, I saw your post on r/MagicTCG and became incredibly worried about the - what was the term you used? - Yes, the Fortnite-ification of Magic. That was good stuff."

Despite initial concerns about the viability of this business strategy, investors were told they should not worry. While the systems of colonial oppression demand that the powerful seek financial capital as means to silence the working class, those same systems were swayed by your comparisons to "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny." As such, you and your fellow Magic players do not need to confront the broader structures that led to these decisions and need not question your priors.

Cynthia Williams concluded the conference by stating that "Universes Beyond brought an unprecedented number of new players into the Magic ecosystem. The thing is, you showed us that Magic is turning into that one Cardboard Crack comic. To all of the new players who came to this community after seeing Transformers or Doctor Who cards, I have one message for you: Get fucked."

Wizards of the Coast also cited your concerns about increasing product fatigue and cancelled the unannounced Battlebond 2.

Jubilee Finnegan (they/them) is a writer based out of Southern California and student of Chapman University. They've been playing Magic since Throne of Eldraine and haven't stopped since. Their work has been published in Chapman Calliope, The B'K', and Beestung Quarterly. You can find them on Twitter @FinneyFlame or Instagram @JWFinnegan.