Trump Claims to Have Seen Video of Commander Player Abusing Cat Oven Combo

Russia, OH - At a rally less than an hour from Springfield, Donald Trump brought up more examples of recent animal abuse by describing a Magic: The Gathering Commander game he saw where a player used the Cauldron Familiar/Witch's Oven combo.

The video of Magic players watching an opponent perform the combo colloquially known as "Cat Oven" was widely discussed by the presidential candidate, but there is no evidence of the video's existence.

"It was horrible what you see in this footage, folks," Trump said exasperatedly, like everything else said in the speech. "If you thought eating cats was bad, this is so much worse. The mutilation of this poor creature was total. Just constant sacrificing and reanimating the likes of which you've never seen before. Beautiful black cats being put into ovens, all to supposedly gain life in some horrid ritual. Really bad, folks.

"These people, sitting in a circle there, watching this one bad man constantly killing this cat. Not doing anything, watching it happen, almost bored that it keeps happening, real low energy. It's sad to see, folks, and frankly I hope it gets banned. I hope the combo gets banned. We must make these vile acts illegal to stop these people from constantly killing and re-killing our beloved pets."

The rally, advertised as a gathering with Trump to support local and state candidates, instead devolved into a 60-minute tirade about this combo.

"This is happening all over the country, folks," Trump laboriously continued. "These people are praising a false god, everyone! I don't know much about voodoo, but you can clearly see in the footage that they have an effigy to someone named Tergrid, God of Fright. That's right, folks, they're believing in a frightening god, not a good god, like our god, Christian god, the best god. That's why you have to keep me out of jail and in the White House this November: to put a stop to this madness and keep our little black cats out of ovens."

After the rally, Trump spent 16 hours posting on his Twitter/X profile more nonsensical Magic: The Gathering opinions, such as "I HATE CHANDRA NALAAR".