Warm, relaxing summer days. Breezy, pleasant autumn afternoons. The Gulf of Mexico swallowing Florida. Sure, all these things sound like a dream, but some dreams are worth chasing.
Hi, we're the Committee for Climate Change Progress, or the CCCP for short, and we're here to tell you that even though the planet's given up, that doesn't mean you have to. In twenty years, you'll be trading in that Madison, Wisconsin shack for prime beachfront property, and you won't even have to move. The secret? Our patent-pending "greenhouse gas effect." By releasing tons of heat-trapping fumes into the atmosphere, we slowly raise the average temperature of the planet, making that frost on your windshield a thing of the past. A modest three degrees is all it takes, and we're asking you for your support. Together, we can create a warmer community for our children!
Key in the Ognition
My name is Michael Celani, and here's an inconvenient truth: global warming is real, and it's not fast enough! Sure, it might possibly inevitably lead to social upheaval, food shortages, and even the proliferation of disease, but I'm really sad that I have to put a coat on in winter. Not to mention that those fools in Delaware with their perfect weather will finally taste true despair -- oh, did I say that out loud? Sorry, schadenfreudian slip.
is so hot, she melts my iceburg. With her in play, any creature we attack with creates a tapped Treasure token so long as that creature has haste. Together, our plan is to make a lot of cash while leaving our opponents' boards a smoldering wasteland. Let's get to work!
Zero to Sixty in Four Mana Flat
We're going to have to work quickly to outpace those glaciers. Unfortunately, you only get to pick two from among fast, cheap, and good, so what we're going to do is fill our deck with a ton of haste-enablers instead of focusing solely on creatures with the ability. That way we can concentrate on creating huge armies that make tons of Treasure per turn.
and are both no-brainers, but for different reasons: one is a Goblin, and the other literally doesn't have a brain. They also both grant all your creatures haste for very little additional investment on top of their cheap price.
- wields a slightly more expensive ability, but it also increases your board's power, which is great with . That's not even mentioning that its body is attached to both a potent wheel and a potent burn effect which synergizes well with the -esque effects the deck plays.
, , and grant creatures haste as a static ability, so you won't need to worry about timing the activation.
- generally plays this role in a lot of Gruul decks, but we're so invested in haste that we need to ensure that all our creatures have it, regardless of when the enchantment is played.
- also grants all creatures haste, and it can even rescue your creatures after a board wipe, which is one of the usual weaknesses of an aggressive deck like this.
- is great once you've discarded it to one of the draw spells in the deck, since it works from the graveyard. Our land tutor effects, such as , are almost all capable of grabbing , which basically ensures you have a Mountain in play by that point.
- Finally, not only grants haste, but it also makes your creatures rather difficult to kill, nearly impossible to block, and great on defense as well. Seven mana shouldn't be too hard to hit in this deck, but there are plenty of other tricks we'll cover in the next section that we'll use to tutor it directly onto the battlefield.
Spending cash makes me smile, but we'll need to put our capital to work in other ways if we really want to destroy this planet. We'll build mechanisms that turn Treasure tokens into drawing cards and adding counters, sure, but our strategy's keystone pipeline transforms our money straight into big permanents tutored from our deck. Yes, I'm aware I'm building the Commander equivalent of an oil company, but compared to carnival serial-killer, governmental triple-agent, and actual war profiteer, this is somehow one of my more morally ambiguous personas.
- taps for a Treasure when she attacks and can sacrifice five of them at instant speed to tutor out an artifact. Most of the time, it'll be , but if that's already out, you can also find...
- ... , which adds Food and Clues to the pile. Clues in particular are useful since they're a great way to keep your hand stocked if you find you've run out of fuel to burn.
- If the Clues aren't adding up, turns Treasure into impulse draw. Make sure that if you plan on using this ability to activate it before you play your land for the turn, so that you can play one from exile instead.
and both supercharge your Treasure output. You can also sacrifice the Treasure to make Jolene stronger, but this isn't a win condition the same way it would be if she was your commander.
- Similarly, literally doubles your Treasure output from , and it compounds insanely quickly if either of the effects are in play.
- is decent removal tech in this pile, since, while you can get away with sacrificing a tapped Treasure, your opponents will have to throw out their , , or even .
- is the most efficient way to cause our Treasures to burn enemies. You'll almost always want to use Fabricate to add counters, then sacrifice all your artifacts for a ailing blow against someone who's out of reach otherwise.
- is essentially a for two in this deck, since you'll sacrifice a Treasure only to get it right back.
- is especially powerful here if you have a haste-enabler on the board. Before combat, turn all the Treasure you don't plan to spend into Citizens, who (since they have haste) will immediately replace themselves in the attack. If they survive to the next turn, you're laughing.
- The really juicy pieces of tech here are
- is the of . Target any number of your own Treasures to flip through your deck and get that many creatures. If you end up with a powerhouse combo, like and or and anything, you're going to get back your artifacts and more.
- seems less certain, but it makes much more sense when you realize that the deck runs very few artifacts; , , , , , and . Outside of maybe , every piece you can hit is fantastic, and with Retrace on it you'll get multiple shots at getting that Memorial.
The Land Strikes Back
So you may have noticed that we've made a lot of money, but we haven't really made good on our promise to speed up climate change. Well, here's where you learn the true meaning of the term:
Climate change doesn't just refer to the weather; it also refers to the fact that we're literally changing the climate into things that can attack, deal damage, and yes, be destroyed. Cards like, (with ), and make all lands into weak creatures that get wiped out in a flash when pitted against , , or even . If you really want to make the mono-blue player cry, try targeting their with . Best of all, since we've already got a healthy bank account shielding us from consequences, we're not incredibly concerned about our own hubris causing our downfall.
But even that's not the true meaning of the term, because cards that animate lands such as, , and tend to animate them with haste. So as you attack into enemies with your lands, the climate will literally add change to your wallet for the trouble.
But that was misdirection too, because what you really want is to get your opponents' climates to change sides. If you do, you not only get the benefit of swinging at your enemies with about thirty creatures while they're mostly incapable of interacting with you, you can also sacrifice them all tofor probably the most massive shift in value possible in Commander.
Ah, it's a great day when you get to make a deck whose title has multiple meanings. Of course, I got good at innuendos such as that by talking in thick layers of irony thanks to an aversion to vulnerability. This aversion to vulnerability also means I'm not great at plugging my other endeavors, so I'll do so now.
If you enjoy How They Brew It, please check out the Discord and my other projects at my website. You can vote on what article you want to see next, or just check out the other cool stuff I do. Also, check out the rest of the articles by our talented writers here on Commander's Herald. See you around next time, where I'll probably play like, an insurance executive or something!
Climate Change (Ognis, the Dragon's Lash EDH)
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