Gamer Learning Transcendental Meditation Makes "Untap, Upkeep, Draw" His Mantra

Sherman Oaks, CA - A local Magic: The Gathering player has been studying meditation and is using what he's learned to create his mantra and attempt to become better at the game.

Chester Starling began an obsession with TM, the slang term for transcendental meditation, after hearing David Lynch talk about it in a YouTube video.

"I've always heard about this mindfulness stuff but didn't think it was for me," explained Starling while smelling vaguely of nag champa. "Then I watched one of my favorite filmmakers talk about how much of an impact TM had in his life. Since then I've been absorbing as much info about it from white people as I can, and it's been amazing. Though you're not supposed to reveal your mantra, I'm proud that I made mine 'untap, upkeep, draw'."

"It's had a huge impact on my life and my game play in Magic tournaments; I was good before, but this is something else. By repeating my mantra during a game, I can keep being mindful of the game and myself without causing a disturbance. To others, someone repeating a mantra can be distracting, but if I'm using mine in a Magic setting I'm just seen as a newbie trying to remember how to play. This gives me a massive advantage in the game, which is the main reason to do meditation in the first place: to win it."

While he has had some success in tournament play with his methods, some have turned their backs on Starling. Former friend and Two-Headed-Giant partner Dane Hazachuck talked about a falling-out they had after he insulted Starling, calling his newfound hobby "annoying".

"Chester does stuff like this all the time," said an exasperated Hazachuck when asked to describe his former friend. "He's always trying to get an edge in the game using some weird new-age method he finds. First he read a Jordan Peterson book and thought his draft abilities would improve the instant he cleaned his room. Then he read Atlas Shrugged and obsessed over making his commander John Galt, even though he has no idea who that is, but I've never seen anything like this. This might get him some more wins, but it's not getting him any more friends now that he's more annoying than ever."

At press time, Starling began reading the Combahee River Collective Statement and wondered if becoming a black feminist would make him better at card games.